June 12, 2011 in Family

We Read What We Sow

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I am once again on the beautiful island of Montserrat. I am here for a family reunion.

I am the only one of my mother’s children to show. Heck, I almost didn’t. But I came out of memory for my mom, also because I told my dear great aunty Dorothy that I would. She is 91 years old and so I didn’t want to disappoint her. I also came as I view this as a last ditch effort to salvage relations with the rest of family.

The fact of the matter is that since mom died, I’ve been somewhat distant from the whole lot. So I view this as an opportunity to reconnect, reminisce and establish better relations with those who are open to the idea.
Last night was the opening reception for the reunion. Everyone for the most part was in high spirits. Well expect for my grandmother who chastised me for not yet paying her a visit. She then went on to scold my eldest aunt who gave the opening welcome for using the name by which she is commonly referred.

It is sad to say but she is one bitter old woman filled with a tremendous amount of guilt for actions that now cause some of her grandchildren like me to dote on my great aunt Dorothy instead of her.

The fact of the matter is that Dorothy raised my mother and also us to a large degree. My grandmother was nowhere around. Well actually she was off having more children with her new husband.

I am not angry with the decision she made and I wish she would better deal with the consequences of her actions. The reality is that as much as I want to be the affectionate granddaughter, when I see her, I just see an old woman with whom I have no real connection.

Now for the record, whatever I do for my aunt Dorothy, I also do for my grandmother. But when it comes to affection, I can’t force what is not there. Neither can others. So really, she just needs to make peace with her actions and move on. As really, we can only reap that which we sow – we are the makers of our own fate!

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