August 13, 2011 in Dating, Montserrat

Ulterior Motives

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After the drama with Basherter yesterday, it was good to have a day out at the Eastbourne Airshow with friends! But have to say that I’m now once again annoyed with the whole situation.

Particularly as his status update now reads: “the giving of my friendship should not and will not be determined by an ulterior motive, it shall be true and without judgment.”

I am assuming this was meant for me and as such it makes me furious because he appears to be suggesting that I had some hidden agenda with regards to our friendship.

Now I won’t deny that I liked him and told him as much, but I had no ulterior motives. I never tried to change his mind with regards to us getting involved. Since he lived across the ocean, I agreed with the decision and have tried to walk away from it all.

But he was the one that talked me out of ending our friendship two months ago. And for the record, I never tried to cross the line and flirt once he said what he said. He was the one who did.

Plus since that most humbling of conversation which bruised my ego, I’ve kept my distance and 95% of the contact continued to be initiated by him. Sure I actively engaged and spoke to him at length when he Skyped me, but it wasn’t like I was sitting there waiting for his messages/calls every day. I do now wish I wasn’t so available and responsive.

But it wasn’t me a mere two week ago who said: “sometime today when you can you should share your cam with me..have not seen you in a while.” It wasn’t me who said: “I like you because I like you.” It wasn’t me who said: “I need you.” It wasn’t me who said: “…but you are what I need.” It wasn’t me who said: “I am glad I met you.”

Now if a man just wanted a platonic relationship, why would he say these things in any context?
Why would he try so hard to maintain the friendship? Perhaps because he had some ulterior motives of his own? Who knows!

Now I may be somewhat naïve on matters of the heart, but I know that our friendship served some purpose, some need that wasn’t being met elsewhere. Again, he initiated the majority of contact and spoke to me A LOT!

Christ! I saw it for what it was but I just didn’t have the strength to remove myself from the situation which unfortunately caused me to get sucked in further than was really necessary!

And to prove my point – if push comes to shove – I will post here on my blog all 200 pages of transcript from our Skype chats. The flirting was quite overt in the beginning and then it shifted. It stopped having sexual overtones, but he definitely continued filling my head with all sorts of compliments like the ones above that one would expect to hear from a man who was interested or was doing all he could to maintain a friendship for his own personal gain.

So whatever! And as Bob Marley said: “the truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” Men like Basherter with their hearts in an icebox (his words) are not worth suffering for – so enough already.

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