While browsing Borders on one of my extended lunch breaks last week, I came across Jill Nelson’s new book: Sexual Healing. I was excited to read this book, having read Nelson’s national bestseller Volunteer Slavery about 10 years ago. In that book, she recounts her experience of being the first black female writer at The Washington Post Sunday magazine.
Sexual Healing is about two women who have been friends forever, who decide to open a spa with special services catering exclusively to black women. Basically, it’s a high class brothel where the roles are reverse. These women are the proprietors and clearly in control and in tune with what so many sexually frustrated black women want and need. The men who work there are doing the servicing and trained on the fine art of pleasuring a woman. As I read through the book which at times was like a porno, I was trying to decide whether or not I would actually go to such a place if there really was A Sister’s Spa. At times I thought yes, other times no. As much as I would like to think that I’m a sexually forward thinking woman who wants to get her groove on, I’m not sure I would want to pay for sex; even if, I haven’t had any in a long while; and I admit, I’ve had my dry spells (currently in one right now).
Sex for me is much more than a physical act. While the last time I had some is such a distant memory, I remember how conflicted I was because while I enjoyed the act itself, I had regrets after. It was with someone who I had a toxic relationship with and after I felt like an alcoholic who had fallen off the wagon. Yeah the drink (sex) felt good during those moments of passion but later it stirred up so many negative emotions for me, that it left me so conflicted. So, I’m only interested in having sex with someone who I have a meaningful relationship with; someone who loves me and truly shares my goals, dreams, wants and desires. I suppose this would explain why I’ve never really had a one night stand. Sure there have been people (men – 1 maybe 2 ), that I’ve slept with once, but those were men who I knew for an extended period of time who I thought had real romantic possibilities. Thank goodness I’m no longer young, dumb and naive when it comes to those sorts of things.
While I’m conservative on these sort of things, I wouldn’t really stop anyone from engaging in casual sex between consenting adults. Maybe sometimes like the women in Sexual Healing, its good to get your freak on without having to worry about what the shit means and more importantly knowing that he’s all about catering to your sexual needs. Lord knows, we all need some sexual healing. Speaking of which, I really don’t understand why some men (grown men at that) are still so selfish in bed. Why don’t men understand that women (well let me speak for myself only) want to feel special while engaging in sexual relations and that it’s a give and take? It shouldn’t be wham, bam, thank you mam. It never was, even when you’re having hot freaky sex. And if a girl wants to cuddle and talk after, why can’t they listen? What the hell is so hard about that? Ok, getting off my soap box. Plus, I’ve probably said too much. But to come full circle, if you’re looking for a good summer read, check out Sexual Healing.
July 17, 2003 at 11:53 am
You’re the third or fourth woman I’ve heard talk about this book and everything it stirs up in them. Even if it’s not bona fide literature, I think that any book that anything that gets women thinking and even talking about their sexual needs is valuable. As for you, young lady, it’s all about loving yourself. 😉