December 11, 2002 in Personal

Raw Fear Is What I Feel

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Finally, I’ve taken the plunge. The plunge to set up a blog so I can share what some would describe as my secret history. Secret because most people who know me don’t really know me. Much of my inner thoughts, opinions, wants, and desires are never really shared. And if so, only with a chosen few. Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m a talker. Extremely opinionated. But I tend to hold certain things close to my heart. Blame it on my trust issues. A few years ago, I dismissed a group of friends because I never really felt I could trust them with my inner thoughts. You would have a private conversation with one of them, only to have it shared with the group. For me, it was betrayal of the worst kind. So my new willingness to be more open about my inner thoughts is a complete change of heart. A new beginning.

The inspiration for the title of this blog is Paul Thereoux . He is one of my favorite authors. He wrote a book entitled My Secret History. A celebrated author, he also wrote: The Mosquito Coast and Riding the Iron Rooster. But my favorite of his books is: The O-Zone. Set in a futurist society filled with nuclear waste, mutants, and aliens it is an interesting look at the world of the haves and the have-nots. A must read!

In any event, most agree that My Secret History while somewhat autobiographical is disguised as fiction. So, with this blog, I want to let others into my secret history. Mine is not as erotic or exotic, but it should make for interesting reading (I hope!). I’ll share my opinions about what’s going on in the world. More importantly, I’ll share my inner thoughts. Talk about scary!! Over the years I’ve bought a few journals that to this day remain blank. As one boyfriend told me once about our relationship, “raw fear is what I feel” when I think about writing about what’s going on in my life. Fear that now that I’m putting myself out there, I won’t be able to handle the exposure. But I won’t let that stop me. Brave I am! Hopefully for many, days, weeks, years to come!

So welcome to my world! Happy Reading.


  1. December 15, 2002 at 1:15 am

    Leigh Hanlon

    Everybody has a secret history. I think that’s why we enjoy reading about superheroes so much — in our secret histories, we’re all strange visitors from another planet.

  2. December 12, 2002 at 3:17 pm


    I wanted to be the first to post to your site. Have fun and I’m looking forward to reading it.

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