November 2, 2004 in Politics


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The election coverage in 2000 was a little crazy, but I’ve got to say that I really enjoyed listening to Dan Rather’s colorful commentary. Below are a few of the more colorful quotes from that night. I can’t wait to hear what he comes up with tonight.

“This race is shakier than cafeteria Jell-O.”
“Turn the lights down, the party just got wilder.”
“It’s cardiac-arrest time in this presidential campaign.”
“He swept through the South like a tornado through a trailer park.”
“Don’t bet the trailer money yet.”
“It’s too early to say he has the whip hand.”
“Now Florida, that race, the heat from it is hot enough to peel house paint.”
“It’s a ding dong battle back and forth.”
“If he doesn’t carry Florida Slim will have left town.”
“If a frog had side pockets, he’d carry a hand gun.”
“They both have champagne on ice, but after the night is over, they might need a pick axe to open them.”
“This race is tight like a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride home from the beach.”

“It’s about as complicated as a wiring diagram to some dynamo.”
“Only votes talk — everything else walks.”
“This will show you how tight it is — it’s spandex tight.”
“We’re going to go to some of those longnecks from a long time ago.”
“He’s going to find that people will hang on him like a coat rack.”
“This election swings like one of those pendulum things.”
“This race is as tight as the rusted lug nuts on a ’55 Ford.”
“What we know is that there will be no decision until some of those races are decided.”
“Al Gore has his back to the wall, shirt tails on fire with this race in Florida.”
“You talk about a ding-dong, knock-down, get-up race.”
“When it comes to a race like this, I’m a long distance runner and an all-day hunter.”
“It’s the American way: if you don’t vote, you don’t get to whine.”
“Smelling salts for all Democrats please.”
“Maybe you can bring some perspective on this, we’re plum out.”
“When the going gets weird, anchor men punt.”
“Tipper is probably telling her husband to hook a U, go back to the house to get a recount.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re a Democrat, Republican or a mug wamp, elected officials play it straight.”
“Florida is the whole deal, the real deal, a big deal.”
“The presidential race still hotter than a Laredo parking lot.”
“These returns are running like a squirrel in a cage.”
“It was as hot and squalid as a New York elevator in August.”
“Bush has run through Dixie like a big wheel through a cotton field.”
“This will have the people in Austin standing up like they got stuck with hat pins.”
“…in Austin, between the 10 gallon hats and the Willie Nelson head bands.”
“The big burrito out there in California”
“They’ll be doing back flips in Nashville.”
“It would be Shakespearean for Al Gore to lose because of his home state.”
“I think you would likelier see a hippopotamus run through this room than see George Bush appoint Ralph Nader to the Cabinet.”
“None of this television mumbo jumbo, let’s get in there and count the votes.”
“Frankly we don’t know whether to wind the watch or to bark at the moon.”
“We’ve lived by the crystal ball, we’re eating so much broken glass. We’re in critical condition.”

One Comment

  1. November 19, 2004 at 11:50 am

    Miss E

    That is amazing. Seriously. Wow. I was considering adding a character to my novel who only spoke in TERRIBLE colloquialisms, and this may be a source for many. 🙂

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