From an old friend
A long time ago, boys would write me love letters and I would write a few myself. Not so much anymore. I bring this up because earlier this week, a boy (a man now) from my past sent me an email. After years of trying to remember my last name (well that’s what he wrote), it finally came to him and he googled and came upon my weblog. This email sent me looking for the box with all my love letters but I can’t seem to find them anywhere. I don’t know, maybe I threw them out in one of my “stop trying to hold on to the past” phase. In any event, in that box of love letters was a note I had written to this boy, during my last semester at Michigan. You see, we were both taking this class together (Political Science 420: Politics & Mass Media) and we became fast friends. Since that was such a tense time for me (I was taking 18 credit hours, working 40hours, writing my senior honors thesis and had boyfriend problems), I came to really look forward to seeing him in class. Like little school children, we would write notes to one another in class. Oh, I’m giggling now just thinking about it. We then hung out a few times outside of class. I vaguely remember the first time he invited me for coffee. I was so geeked. Here’s was this HOT! boy (who liked what I liked) who was interested in me. As the semester drew to a close, I realized that we would soon be heading our separate ways and I’d always wonder about what could have been. So for the first time in my life, I decided to bold about what I wanted. Since I was too shy to actually communicate via conversation, I wrote a note to him basically saying I couldn’t stand it anymore (all the sexual tension) and to meet me at certain place at a certain time if he wanted to take things further. After I dropped off the note where he was working as a study monitor (I think), I couldn’t think of much else. Thankfully he showed up and we had quite a bit of fun that inspired me to complete my 80 page thesis on time. I was so pleased that he was in my life at the time, that I thanked him in the acknowledgements of my thesis document. Hmmm, I wonder if I ever told him that? Specifically, I wrote: “And yes, to _____________ for inspiring me every Monday and Wednesday (as well as other moments in between).” I blush like a school girl every time I read that. After graduation, we sort of went our separate ways but I always felt like we had unfinished business. I tried contacting him when I moved to Chicago (almost 2 years after we graduated), but we never managed to connect again. Now I get this email. It’s good to hear from him, but I’m trying to figure out how best to respond. He is so much apart of my past that I remember so fondly. But we’re both different people. Plus, I’m trying to figure out if I can be friends with someone I had the hots for who is now married with a child. I don’t know. I just don’t know.