August 27, 2011 in Dating


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I’ve been giving some serious thought as to why I am still really single. And the conversation below offers some insight:

[17/06/2011 21:07:24] Basherter: I don’t know if I could live up to the expectations.
[17/06/2011 21:07:46] Me: What expectations do you think I have?
[17/06/2011 21:08:08] Basherter: I have no idea.
[17/06/2011 21:08:22] Me: So what is there then to live up to?
[17/06/2011 21:09:37] Basherter: Don’t know.

Now Basherter isn’t the first man to tell me this and so I’ve got to acknowledge that I give off some kind of signal. The kind of signal that says: ” I am a strong, independent, successful black woman and if you want to come close, you better measure up to certain standards and expectations that are perhaps only achievable by a select few. Heck, I don’t really need you!”

Why else to explain why I never get asked out on dates. And even when I do, they never really go very far. I perhaps need to be more vulnerable and share not just what I’m thinking but feeling. You know, be a bit more exposed, open and honest about what’s going on in my life and not just tell my potential partner the surface stuff I tell most people. Because, the reality is that since my mom died some 17 years ago, I have been continually tired of having to be the brave strong one holding things together in the face of adversity.

So with the right person – a Basherter type – based in London, I think I’m finally ready to do that. I need to be otherwise life will continue to pass me by and the dream of having a family of my own will be unrealised.

So I pray the lord will soon bless me with someone who will fill me with the confidence and courage to take that chance to share more of myself and my vulnerabilities.

The fact of the matter is that we all want to feel needed and so I need to show a man, the right type of man how blessed and enriched my life will be by having him be a part of my journey.

I also need to be clear that my expectations are not unrealistic. They are merely the sort of things you’d expect/want in a loving relationship. Money and materialism aren’t high on the priority list. Sure I want to live in a fabulous house in a really nice neighbourhood and take trips all over the world, but I’m not looking to live beyond our means. Particularly as I want both of us to be doing things we love and not be stuck in a career/job just because we need to maintain a certain lifestyle.

Furthermore, I am more interested in being in a partnership where there is mutual respect, love and adoration. Sure there are going to be challenges and difficult times, but with honest dialogue and communication, working as a team we can get though anything! That’s what I truly believe. Heck, considering all I’ve endured on my own, I know I have much to offer a loyal partner with a view to us becoming a successful team and extended family unit.

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