So last Saturday I went on a date. The first for the year — well really a few months. So how did I meet my date, now to be known as CollegeTutor? Well, via a Internet dating site. The fact is that I just don’t meet a lot of men as I go about my daily routine. Heck, men don’t even really flirt with me via Facebook where I have over 900 friends. The ones that have a crush, admire from afar. And so while a dating site is not ideal, I decided to throw it in the mix – again!
So I’ve been on the site for a few weeks and trying to make the effort to engage. It’s not easy! Why? Well, as much as I’d like to meet and settle down, the work – and let’s not kid ourselves it is WORK – involved to make it happen, just doesn’t excite me.
Meaning, I want to get to the stage where I’ve met the person and there is no doubt that we are a match. However, all the work that comes before that just seems like too much. Plus there is/was Basherter. For much of last year, I couldn’t shake the desire to be with him even though I know it’s not practical — the heart wants what the heart wants. So it took awhile to get to the acceptance stage, but I’m finally there. This didn’t come easy as it truly is a complex situation.
Anyway, back to the dating site. CollegeTutor initiated contact a few weeks ago and we communicated via the site and then eventually via the phone. He seemed normal and so agreed to go on a date with him. However it didn’t happen for about two weeks due to schedule conflicts.
Now I’m not normally busy on the weekends (my couch is my best friend!) but I had both professional and personal commitments so I deferred – also I wanted to lose a few pounds. Anyway, we meet up and while he felt sparks, I felt nothing. I really tried. Despite that, I perhaps would have gone out on a second date just to make sure but then he exhibited some stalking behaviour.
He called, texted and emailed the night of the day. He didn’t allow me time to respond and so it all sort of freaked me out. So as the sparks weren’t there, I just thought why bother! Plus, while I like a man who shows his hand, he was perhaps a bit too eager. So I just let it go. I did so too because he didn’t exactly match up to what the psychic told me about my future partner. Is this a fool’s strategy? Perhaps, but I need to be patient. I can’t just jump into a relationship with someone because they are keen. The attraction, chemistry and compatibility needs to be both ways. Otherwise, there will be continual doubt and we all know where that got me the last time – remember MrFixItGuy? Well he is stalking me. Not aggressively – just every few months he phones or sends a text message to see if I’ll engage. But really, I never will again because with him I’m enforcing the NO CONTACT RULE. I know he wants to be with me, and so we can’t ever really go back to being friends.
But back to the dating site. I’m optimistic and really the whole experience with CollegeTutor has made me more confident that men really do find me attractive. I know I shouldn’t have doubt on this, but when you’ve been single as long as I have, it’s difficult. That all being said, I do think that 2012 is going to be my year to meet some who can go the distance. SO I remain faith and comforted that my destiny will be soon revealed. I just perhaps need to go on a few more dates before it all happens.