September 15, 2005 in Dating

Boyfriends Past

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It is probably inappropriate of me to print the email received below, but I’m going to do it anyway because it’s a perfect example of what happens to me. I date some guy and start thinking of the happy ever after, but it’s not to be and we break up. Then somewhere down the line — typically years later, I get a phone call or an email singing my praises. I suppose I should be flattered by the fact that they’ve called/emailed to reminisce, but I’m always confused and uncertain of how to respond. Oh don’t get me wrong, I like my ego stroked but when its done by an ex-boyfriend/lover, I usually also end up being pissed off because it ultimately brings up bad memories. With that said, here is a recent winner:

imagine my delight, upon searching the internet, finding you with the same screen name…..
What does one say after these past few years.
Don’t be mad? Please understand? I’m sorry? I’ve thought about you often?
I have had many experiences (both good and bad) since we last spoke, and have been thinking about you through most.
I needed to tell you that I have the fondest memories of you, you were without a doubt, one of the highlights of my life thus far, and you are (in spite of my candid lack of emotion and trust) a both wonderful and beautiful young woman whom I miss at times more than imaginable.
That being said, thank you for everything; your smile, sense of humor and the gleam in your eyes.
You were and ARE incredibly special.
I want nothing but the best for you and I hope life has treated you well.
You look great!

Anybody out there want to tell me how to respond to this? Part of me wants to tell the person to f*8k off. But that would be rude. So perhaps I’ll just ignore the email like I’ve already done for the past 7 days. Then again, maybe I should write back and thank him for his kind words. Plus I am really curious to find out in what context he still thinks of me. Not because I want to pursue anything, moreso because well as I said above, I like getting my ego stroked. In addition, I want to find out what he’s up to. It’s been almost 4/5 years since we talked. But I’m conflicted because I’m so aware of the downside. So wondering, what would others do?


  1. September 19, 2005 at 4:08 pm


    Men seem to do this more than women, I guess they are better at moving on. No harm in meeting somewhere for a coffee if you feel strong enough and it might answer some questions you may have.

  2. September 18, 2005 at 5:58 pm


    It was a brief intense relationship — cut short by his move to the West Coast to start a new job — also due to his lack of honesty re his marital status. So not someone I really want to be bothered with. Having said that, I do have fond memories or our time together.

  3. September 16, 2005 at 11:08 pm

    Cranky Chick

    It all depends on the circumstances of your breakup, in my opinion. If he cheated on you, or was otherwise an @sshole, I’d ignore the e-mail. If it just wasn’t the right time for you both, and you still care about him, maybe what he’s learned in the last 4-5 years has taught him a thing or two about what’s truly important in life.
    Or, he might need money. 😉

  4. September 16, 2005 at 4:19 am


    My goodness, it must be something in the water or maybe it’s the moon. I got a similar e-mail recently and after a few days of thinking about it I decided it wasn’t worth the trouble to respond. I knew that part of him was contacting me to see if he still had a chance, not just to be friendly and I just didn’t want to give him any kind of false home. I wish him well, but I don’t wish for him back in my life.
    Anyway, that’s just my experience.

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