Before Friday, only two people knew Basherter’s true identity. My elder sister and ScandinaviaGuy. And ScandinaviaGuy only knew as after the situation with AirportGuy, I vowed that if I ever again starting communicating with someone from Montserrat who had romantic potential, I was going to ask at least one male friend about the person’s character.
I perhaps would have told others, but Basherter is a private person and didn’t really want me talking about “us” with Montserrat people. In that it’s a small island and gossip does spread, I figured I would comply with the condition that if things got to the next level, I was going to publicly acknowledge.
I don’t like secret relationships of any kind. And this one was secretive. I regret that because now when I need to talk it out so I can put it all behind me, I can’t now admit to my friends it was so and so and he did such and such.
It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to me! Damn! Why do I keep doing this to myself? Considering the distance and what he said in the beginning and how I was feeling, I knew how it would end. And that’s just me getting hurt.
I’m not good at having platonic friendships with men if I like them…really really like them.
And so his lack of understanding for my difficulty in maintaining a strictly platonic friendship that was close in light of what I was feeling leaves me feeling foolish and somewhat humiliated by the whole situation.
And to be accused of having ulterior motives when there were none, is a major slap in the face!
Heck, I could have just continued pretending that all was well. But I chose to be honest and say that I was having difficulty with it all. It’s not like I didn’t try to walk away from it all before.
God, seriously, why me? I know there is a lesson here but I’m really tired of making the wrong choices when it comes to men! I’m really tired of the drama!
So enough now. I get it!
No more men in distant lands. And no more wasting time with men who are emotionally unavailable and won’t admit what they really want.
Furthermore: enough ruminating, enough obsessing and enough over-thinking!
Time for action, positive action!
That means getting others to respect my boundaries. Because, “having boundaries isn’t just about ensuring that people don’t disrespect me; it is about ensuring that I don’t keep putting myself in situations where I end up disrespecting myself.”