December 10, 2005 in Dating

Advice from A Reader

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I’m wondering how many of my readers agree with the following email send to me:

…I kinda feel like you should be giving IT guy a chance. Here’s why. Back in the day I dated the wrong girl for the wrong reason for far too long and it left me with similar baggage. Then one day my aquaintance Sam (name changed) from the liquor store asked me what was upo so I told him and he said “Harry (name changed), I want to give you permission for that whole think to not be working out and for you to let it go and get on with your life”. My reaction was “Jeez Sam that’s odd don’t ya think?” and he said “Naw, someone gave me permission like that and I got divorced and tings have been alot better for the EX and I ever since. So I am giving you permission” SO just let it go man, things will pop up to remind you of this or that which will be a bummer but you’ve got permission to move on.” Anyway, your post made me think about that and I was thinking you liked this IT guy and I thought to share my abridged story and offer you the same permission. Ursula, you have my permission to let go of that raquetball guy who wasn’t right, but had merit, and to go out there and live, and date the IT guy. Part of this is why you moved yea? Anyway, up to you what to do, will go back to the blog shadows now. Have a great day.

Part of me agrees with what this reader is trying to tell me. The other part of me says, you really have no clue how much I was hurt by the end of my relationship with Racquetball Guy and how unfortunately it has made me once again want to steer clear of anyone who appears to be in any way similar.


  1. December 12, 2005 at 6:12 pm


    He does have a point. But then again, everyone has an opinion – we don’t live each others lives so how can we say what makes us happy makes someone else happy? We can’t.
    I think if you aren’t ready, you simply aren’t ready. If the traits that reminded you of him were BAD traits, definately steer clear – that’s what experience brings us, a closer understanding of what we do and do not want. If the traits were just ways they are similar (not bad and maybe even good), well we all know what we like and tend to gravitate towards people that have the things we are looking for.
    If IT guy had negative vibes that you’ve felt before, then you are right to say no thanks. If he just had similar ideas or personality traits then maybe it’s good to rethink your actions when sizing up potential dates. Not to say your instincts are wrong, but don’t sell a guy short just because he DOES have some of the stuff you are looking for and it reminds you of someone else that had some of the stuff you were looking for. Catch-22, as it were.
    Eh, what do I know? I’ve had good relationships gone bad, bad relationships gone worse, and guys I got rid of just because I got sick of seeing them.

  2. December 12, 2005 at 5:36 pm


    “It has made me once again want to steer clear of anyone who appears to be in any way similar.”
    Doesn’t than mean you are only meant to date white Jewish girls?

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