A Broken Heart
I was not going to talk about this until after the holidays, but my heart is heavy, it feels broken. You see, earlier today, Racquetball Guy told me that we were no longer on the fast track to marriage. He still wants to be my boyfriend, but things that we had talked about will not happen in the timeframe we had talked about them. Therefore, I am trying to adjust to the new us without feeling as if we have totally broken up. It’s really difficult because we began talking about marriage soon after our first month of dating. Heck, he asked me to marry him back then. So I’m trying to hold it together, but it’s really hard. At the same time, part of me is relieved because there was so much outside drama affecting the relationship that things were becoming overwhelming. We have and continue to spend less time together. Oh sure, we speak to each other (almost) daily, but things are not the same. Therefore, it hurts to know that there is distance growing between someone I had grown to care about these past 8 months. Only time will tell what will happen to us. Maybe we will still end up together or maybe we will go our separate ways. Whatever happens, it was all meant to play out that way. This is what I tell myself in those moments where life seems so unfair. My heart aches.