Boyfriend/Husband Attributes

Since I disclosed last night that I’ve dated outside my race, I thought I might clarify my current dating preferences. Let just say that in my 20s, I didn’t really care about race. I was more interested in dating someone who was going to treat me the way I want to be treated in a romantic relationship. Now that I’m in my 30s, I think more about my choices. I’m still open to dating outside my race, but I prefer to date someone black. As much as we want to say that race doesn’t matter anymore, it still does. And as I’d like to get married in the next 5-10 years and have children, I just think it would be so much easier. Since I don’t have parents anymore, it is important to me that my future husband’s parents accept me from the get go without reservations regarding my race. I don’t want to have to win them over with grandchildren. Having said that, I’m not going to automatically disqualify someone because of their race. That would be simply foolish. The romantic in me says that love does conquer all. So, I’m just going to be smarter about my choices.
Below are the top 10 things I want in a boyfriend/lover/husband. You will notice that I really don’t talk about personal features. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for a tall good looking man. But I’m more interested in someones inner beauty. Inner beauty is simply more attractive than aesthetic beauty. A persons character, personality, strength and character makes them beautiful. That outside is just the container that hold it all together.

1. Honesty: At this stage of my life, I need someone who is going to be honest and open to me. I don’t like lying to people, and I hate it when people lie to me. It isn’t necessary and in the end does more harm than good. Having said that, I know that there is a time and a place for everything. So, if I’m not ready to disclose something, I’ll just say I don’t want to talk about it instead of lying. I expect my partner to do the same.
2. Ambition/Focus: I want to date/marry someone who knows what they want. A person with direction, one with ideas and dreams that they are pursuing; and the courage and strength to purse them.
3. Strength: I am a very strong person. I’ve had to be. So I can take things in stride, and as a rule, I don’t allow outside forces to hamper my perception or affect my judgment. Bad things happen to good people; it’s a fact of life. How you deal with these changes is what determines whether you are weak or strong. Strength is important to me, because you can’t build a strong relationship on weak foundation.
4. Intelligence: I would like to think that I am an intelligent person. I think a lot, and I enjoy enhancing the knowledge and understanding that I already have. Having said that, knowing a lot of things don’t make a person intelligent, it’s what they do with that knowledge. The application, if you will. Being able to form a complete sentence, hold a conversation and engage in intelligent discussions are important to me. So having a degree in something is nice, but not absolutely necessary, because “school smart” are one thing; common sense is something totally different, and having one doesn’t necessarily meant that you have the other.
5. Generosity: For the most part, I’m a very giving person and will make sacrifices to give of myself if I think it’s necessary. Being in a relationship means that there is a “you” a “me” and a “us.” And it is important that the “us” doesn’t suffer because all you can think about is the “you” part. And it not all about money; it’s also about time and love. Any boyfriend/husband must be willing to give of himself.
6. Respect/Trust: For the most part, I am not a jealous person. I believe that each person is an individual, and has their individual needs and desires. So I don’t have a problem with someone going out with their friends outside of our relationship. But the person I’m dating has to understand that it goes both ways. Respect and trust go hand in hand. I trust a person by default, meaning that I trust you until you give me reason on to. That means I don’t have a problem with you going out with whoever (yup even women friends) because I trust that you won’t do anything to hurt me and disrespect the relationship that we have.
7. Imagination: If your mind is open enough to accept the fact that nothing is written in stone, I believe that anything is possible. So I need someone who is open-minded and imaginative enough to see more than one path down a road.
8. Culture: This may be the wrong word to use, so I’ll explain. I listen to all types of music, watch all types of shows and programs and see all types of plays. I want someone who has the ability to do the same. When I ask have you seem La Bohème, I don’t want the response “what!?!’ Maybe you haven’t seen it, but for g*d’s sake, at least know what it is. And if you don’t be open to the idea of seeing it. I know this may seem a little snooty, but I’m really looking for someone who knows how to enjoy a good book or play and who is willing to be exposed to something outside their everyday norm.
9. Affection: I’m not the most affectionate person in the world, but I don’t have any problems displaying it in public. Hold hands, kissing, openly and freely letting a person know how I feel is something that I do, and I would expect that of a potential boyfriend.
10. Heart: This is the most important requirement. I need a boyfriend/lover/husband who understands that everyone isn’t as fortunate and so we must give back to those less fortunate. I need someone who is willing to give to those in need. A person with the heart of a child, the soul of an angel and the mind of a philosopher. Someone who loves the idea of love, and is a defender of its purpose and practices. Someone who can watch a documentary and understand its content, then turn around and enjoy a cartoon with me. Someone who knows the difference between making love and being IN LOVE. Yes, there is a difference. Who isn’t afraid of giving their heart, knowing that there is a chance of it being broken? A partner. A friend. A companion. A lover. And know how to be all of those well. This is who I am. This is what I want in a boyfriend/husband.

4 Comments
  1. Hi ursula how are you doing?i read all.i know what kind of boy friend you need.let me tell you someting i have great faith in inside beauity i have the same caracter the way you like you are my type.My name is fantashun moges it from east africa Ethiopia so if you need to share some idea please taik to me.i leave my e-mail adress.
    Fantahunmoges@yahoo.com
    fantahun

  2. Hi ursula how are you doing?i read all.i know what kind of boy friend you need.let me tell you someting i have great faith in inside beauity i have the same caracter the way you like you are my type.My name is fantashun moges it from east africa Ethiopia so if you need to share some idea please taik to me.i leave my e-mail adress.
    Fantahunmoges@yahoo.com
    fantahun

  3. Tall and handsome

  4. Am a graduate. tall and handsome

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