I've been getting perspective from a male friend who knows MrFixIt Guy about the situation.
And before telling me he didn't want to talk about MrFixIt Guy anymore after one too many conversations on the matter, he said: "well the last thing I'm going to say about this is that it's like falling in love with your gardener."
No I wasn't in love with him, but I knew exactly what he meant. Sure we were childhood friends, but our adult lives were extremely different and our paths never would have crossed -- not socially and definitely not professionally.
He -- MrFixIt Guy -- was like the hired help.
And if I'm honest with myself, this caused major doubts from the beginning. I cringed at the thought of taking him to a dinner party and introducing him to friends.
He was the boyfriend I felt comfortable with one on one but dreaded the thought of having to introduce to friends, family and work colleagues.
I didn't dare update my relationship status on Facebook with a link to his profile.
I could hear the comments now. I'd definitely gone down market.
It was these thought along with doubts raised about more important matters that caused me to end things in the first place.
But then I felt guilty because I was being a complete snob and I had to own up to the fact that I did really like him. Or maybe it was just the idea of being in a relationship. Not sure.
Anyway, like wasn't love. I knew that much.
He kept pushing me to say it, but I just couldn't.
Interestingly, had he come in the image of Racquetball Guy or Airport Guy, I would have fakingly said it until I meant it.
But I just couldn't and that drove him crazy and ultimately away from me.
I in term then wanted to cling to this inappropriate relationship.
No I didn't call or text him (in fact I deleted his contact details from my phone and un-friended him on Facebook), but I did waste an awful lot of time talking and thinking about him. And oh yeah, on advice of BestGuyFriend, I sent an email accepting responsibility for all that was wrong in the relationship. This was all part of a silly attempt to win him back.
Now that was crazy and I wish I could claw it back. By hey, ce la vie!
Just as the male friend who knows MrFixIt Guy became frustrated with me, I've become frustrated with myself for dwelling on matters.
Particularly after I found out he's not the doting father he claims to be and he started a rebound relationship with a woman he claimed was just a friend. Yeah right!
Am I a wee bit jealous? No, not a all. Because according to my male friend, "she's like a dollar bill." She has quite a scandalous reputation as she's been passed from one man to the next -- "that woman hole done see sun light."
So enough! I've wasted enough energy on someone who has turned out to be a liar and is definitely not and will never be worthy.
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