I need to let go of some of the hurt from my past so I reached out to my dad earlier today. It was the first time I had spoken to him in over 20 years. We did communication through my mother back in 1992 when I was graduating from Michigan but when he decided not to come after making a big hoopla about being there, I gave up on him and all contact went through my older sister.
In any event, the conversation, was really weird. Mainly because he sounded really old and a fraction of his former arrogant self. I suppose that's not too surprising since he's been sick for some time.
There will be an opportunity to meet up in the near future, but I'm conflicted about seeing him. Perhaps because while I want to reconnect, I don't want to ruin the image I have of him in his younger years. Plus seeing him might make me think more of his eventual death at which point I'll really be an orphan. So for now, I'm just happy talking to him over the phone.
Why call yourself "orphan child?"
You cannot make yourself an orphan. Only your parents can make you one. So, go and tell them to do what my sweet former parents did: leave me a victim to stray dogs, to sleet and wind and dirt, to hunger and thirst, and to abusive strangers.
Then you'll be an orphan, whether you still want it or not. You'll be nobody, and you'll begin trying to be something. That's REAL orphanhood.
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