I'm feeling extremely lonely. I know this has something to do with the holidays coming up and me not going home (like I really have a home to go to beyond the one with my things), but the feeling is so intense that its almost unbearable. I'm currently resisting the urge to cry but I'm sure it will come on soon enough. I just hate feeling like this. I hate feeling needy. I hate not having anyone to turn to. I hate that my friends from Chicago don't really email or call that much. I hate that my family is so far away. I hate that I'm not that close emotionally to my family. I really hate that my mother is dead. I hate that I'm not on good terms with my father. Heck, I hate that I don't know where my father is. Now how is that for a confession? Goodness. I hate feeling like this during what should really be a good time for me.
Confession
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The universe may be indifferent but Choo-Choo loves you.
I do not mean to give the impression that I think that I'm not loved. I know I am. Its just that there are certain times of the year when things get really difficult emotionally. But you are right, Choo-Choo does love me, even if he too shows it in his own special (indifferent really) sort of way.
This time of year makes it harder too, especially being overseas. I hope it gets better for you and happy holidays to you and Choo-Choo!