January 2005 Archives

Thought I would drop a quick note to say that I am still here and that all is well. Oh sure I am still on an emotional roller coaster, but things are starting to level off. In addition, I feel good about the future as there is the possibility that I might be heading off on a major adventure soon. What adventure you ask? Well, I am not yet willing to say. Sorry to be a tease, but all will be revealed in due time. So check back every now and then.

I'm not looking forward to doing my taxes this year as I suspect I might owe money. Nonetheless, when I finally get around to doing so, I plan to go through the irs.gov Internet site and use TurboTax for free. I've used the online version of TurboTax for years and so it's good to know that I can save my $30 this year compliments of the IRS.

I know my last two entries have been somewhat cryptic, and for that, I apologize. However, I really do not feel comfortable explaining the situation. Sure Racquetball Guy has said to me on numerous occasions that I should blog whatever I feel like sharing, but I know doing so could be hurtful to him as well as me for that matter. Not because what I have to say will paint him in a bad light (it really would not), he just does not want his business on the Internet -- and in many ways, and I feel the same way -- particularly when we both know that there are certain people from our professional worlds reading my blog. So it is times like this I wish I was blogging anonymously. Then I would be more willing to pour my heart out. I know it would help me process some of what I am feeling and thinking. Therefore, I am trying to process things the old fashion way. This means that I am trying to be more forthcoming with family and friends about my current reality. What a strange concept, eh? I have even started writing things down in a paper journal again. So in case you were worried, I am not bottling everything up. In addition, as painful as certain aspect of this experience may be, I know that there are others out there with more complicated challenges and my life really isn’t so bad after all. More importantly, whatever the outcome, I know I will survive and grow from the experience!!

I am going through the five stages of grief. This is somewhat problematic as my relationship with Racquetball Guy is not over. It is just different. We both love and care a great deal for one another but things are happening beyond our control. So I'm trying to accept the new reality and just when I think I have passed a certain stage, I find myself back at the beginning. I am in major denial. I long for what was, what could have been and what hopefully will be once again. Hopefully time will bring true acceptance for whatever the future holds.

So for a week now, I've been opening and closing this blog as I'm at a loss for words. Actually the words are in my head, but trying to figure out what to say has been most difficult. This is due to the fact that I'm currently on an emotional roaster. Much of that relates to my relationship with Racquetball Guy. We're currently dealing with some major issues and I am finding it really hard to come to grips with the new reality of our relationship. One minute I am optimistic about the future. The next I am totally gloom and doom. For example, below is what I wrote on Tuesday night:

Racquetball Guy and I have broken up. We technically have not said these words to one another, but our relationship is hanging on by a thread that it is only a matter of time. I am sure this will be shocking to many of you, but for me, the writing has been on the wall. We still do love each other a great deal, but there are external issues that are getting in the way of the relationship. It was my hope that we could work through these very important issues together, but he wants to take a go it alone approach. Since this makes me most unhappy, I have decided that as difficult as it may be, it's best to walk way. Perhaps sometime in the not too distant when the issues are resolved we can once again explore the possiblitity of being in a romantic relationship, but as of today, I consider myself a single woman.

Clearly that was a doom and gloom moment. So are we broken up? No. But time will only tell whether or not our love for each other is strong enough for our relationship to survive.

I have the worse luck. Less than two weeks after recovering from the stomach flu, I have come down with a cold. One so deep that every time I cough, my ribs hurt. Therefore, I am beyond miserable. I hope that I get better soon. It sucks to be sick.

So I'm in the middle of organizing my apartment and I'm thinking of purchasing a cd storage binder and throwing away for the cases for my music cds. From a collectors standpoint, is that sensible? Part of me doesn't really want to, but as my music collection grows, I really don't have the space for all the cd holders.

I had a great time in Florida. My meeting didn't start until Thursday, so I spend most of Wednesday afternoon/night at Epcot. My friend and I had Mexican food for lunch at San Angel Inn. We then walked around and checked out most of the pavilions which showcased various cultures from all over the world. We particularly liked the performance of the Dragon Legend Acrobats at the China pavilion. After that, we then headed to the rides. My favorite was Test Trak. I also liked Mission Space but would recommend that folks go on this ride long after they've eaten. This ride to Mars simulation was so close to being real that as we walked out, we saw quite a few people with barf bags. I myself needed to buy Advil as the ride gave me a bit of a headache. The evening was capped by watching some amazing fireworks.

Thursday was mostly spent indoors at the company meeting. During the meeting the President singled out my efforts for 2004 and that brought a big smile to my face. My smile got even bigger on Friday when one of my company's largest clients presented and also mentioned my efforts in the presentation. So I'm on cloud nine and now trying to figure out how to maximize the exposure which occurred in front of the entire company.

My only regret for Florida is that we didn't go to Pleasure Island. We had planned to go on Thursday night but my company had a big dinner followed by open bar and dancing. So few wanted to leave the free booze to spend oodles at Pleasure Island. So maybe next time. I'd been there once before and had an awesome time. So I'll have to duplicate that fun the next time I'm in Orlando Florida.

Greetings from the Marriott World Center in sunny Orlando, Florida. I am here on business for a few days. Initially, I was not very excited about coming down, but with Chicago under a snowstorm, I am happy to be here. Plus, since I stayed home for my vacation last week, it is good to get away. So thinking I will try to soak up as much sun as possible. It might be a while before I experience 80-degree weather again.

I am a little late in saying this, but mega congratulations to my friend VY and her Texan Longhorns who beat Michigan in the 2005 Rose Bowl game with a last second field goal. I would have liked the result to be different, but I guess you cannot win them all. In addition, it is their first time at the big dance so it was good for them to win. Having said that, it still sucks to see Michigan get to the granddaddy of all bowl games two years in a row and loose. Hmmm. I suppose us Michigan fans will just to take comfort in the fact that unlike last year, this year the game was close. More importantly, Michigan has participated in the Rose Bowl game 19 times and has won 8 times. Not the best win record, but its still a great accomplishment as in the 91 year history of the Rose Bowl game, only USC has been there more times than Michigan. They lead with 29 appearances.

Well, MT 3.14 is now fully loaded. However, my archives for the last 2 years are offline. This is due to the fact that after the initial upgrade, the comments feature wouldn't work. With the large amount of spam in the database, things got corrupted. So MT had to be completely removed and then installed again. Now while importing; only the first 5 months are showing up. I suspect that has something to do with the fact that the file is huge. I'm trying to figure out how to parse so that I can import it all, but it's just taking too much time. So thinking I'll leave them offline for now. Particularly since I'm thinking of changing host provider. I'd like to have things set up in a mySQL database but to do that with my current provider would mean upgrading my plan to one that cost about $25 per month. In that there are cheaper options out there by providers that are more blog friendly, I'm going to explore those. I'm also going to explore having someone manage the technical aspects of my blog. MT is the premier blog software but with each upgrade or suggested plugin to load, I just want to run from blogging. It's all distracting me from getting back to finding my inner voice and that my friends is not a good thing.

Pardon the dusk while I complete upgrade to latest version of MT. And oh yeah, Happy New Year too.