May 2004 Archives

Dear God, why is this weekend not over yet? Each minute is like an hour, each hour like a day. I am so ready to get back to work. I need a distraction from all the bad thoughts running through my head.

This is one of the worse weekends I've had in a long time. All my friends are out of town and my younger sister, who normally has time to hang about, is busy with family stuff. So I'm all alone with crazy thoughts running through my head. I try and busy myself but nothing really seems to work. Plus the weather is so icky that I haven't been able to go out and really enjoy myself. Oh what's a girl to do? Part of me just wants to go back to the days where the only important man in my life was Choo-Choo. Having a boyfriend is a good thing but I'm just not dealing with the uncertainties very well. My emotions and feelings are out of control. I wish I was a lot better at this. I wish I didn't feel so insecure and vulnerable. I really wish I had things to do to occupy my time. All I do is eat to past the time and I'm not exactly making smart choices. I wouldn't be surprised if I gained 5 pounds this weekend. Oh goodness!

After writing my post of yesterday, I went back to bed but I felt restless. So decided to get up and get dressed and head to the movies. Ended up seeing Mean Girls which lifted my spirits somewhat. Then I went shopping for a dress to wear to my friend's wedding. I went to every major department store on Michigan Avenue and couldn't find anything I liked. Truth be told, I couldn't find a dress that fit me properly. I'm too slim for plus sizes but not skinny enough for regular sizes. I'm in that awkward in-between phase. So that left me feeling depressed. I suppose I could try again next weekend. Or then again, maybe I'll just wear a dress I already own. No sense spending a ridiculous sum of money for a dress I won’t get much wears out of.

I am no longer going to Minnesota for the weekend. This I learnt around 7:30am this morning. I'm really disappointed as not only was I going to visit Mall of America for the first time, but was also going to the Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Los Angeles Lakers playoff game. We were going to be in the owners box. Damn! But it is not to be. Racquetball Guy went on a business trip yesterday that was successful in landing a new client for the firm and so he and another guy have to work this weekend at the request of the company President as the transition needs to take place as soon as possible. He was very apologetic and I could tell that he too was really disappointed by our cancelled weekend plans. He also told me that he will be going out of town (really out of country) on business next Wednesday for three weeks. So I'm feeling pretty blue and I haven't done a thing all day. I've grown so attached to him these past two months. I'm trying not to get emotional about things but feeling really emotional. I know our relationship is strong and will survive this separation but there is a project that we were supposed to start working on that will now get delayed. That is not a good thing for him or for us. So it will require him to take a bold stand and I’m not sure he can afford to do that right now. But hey, what do I know. I really don't want to think about it. I’m going back to bed to sleep the rest of the day/night away.

Tis the season of weddings and so earlier tonight I went to a bubble bath themed bridal shower. I had fun and hopefully the bride to be did too. In shopping for her wedding, I've picked up a new hobby -- that is, looking at the bridal registry for people I don't know. I'll just throw in some random name into the registry system at say William Sonoma and if I get a match, I'll look to see what they items they have on the list. It offers an insight into what people are buying these days and it's also given me some good ideas for items to add to your own wishlist should my time ever come.

Extreme Ironing: The latest danger sport that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well pressed shirt.

Are these people for real? Thinking these folks have way too much time on their hands.

Things with Racquetball Guy are progressing and so he met another set of friends last night. There were a few uncomfortable moments (mostly on my part), but for the most part things went well. In fact, as we dined at Carmine's suggestions were being made of things we could do together in the future.

So I woke up this morning feeling really tired. I took an over the counter allergy medication and it really knocked me out. I do feel better but still somewhat irritable. As a result, I was somewhat curt with Racquetball Guy today. Thankfully he's been very patient with me. We are actually making plans to go to Minnesota this weekend. Oh it's gonna be so much fun!!!

I spent much of today Sunday scrap booking. While I'm exhausted, I'm quite pleased that I completed 24+ pages in my Creative Memories album. Yeah for me! Now I'm tired and irritable as I think I eat something I'm allergic to. I'm breaking out and I'm feeling somewhat itchy. Hmmm. It might be time to make an appointment to get tested for allergies. I'm trying to think of what might have caused this latest breakout, but drawing a blank.

I leave my house around noonish for my bi-annual visit to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned. While waiting at the elevator, I hear moans coming from my 50something neighbors’ apartment. I am there waiting long enough to figure out that they are watching some sort of porn video. I want to knock on their door and tell them to turn it down, but thinking they would be too embarrassed. Now I'll never be able to look at this couple in the same light.

Issues continue between Racquetball Guy and Choo-Choo. Specifically, Racquetball Guy wants Choo-Choo out of the bedroom or at least off the bed. In that Choo-Choo has been allowed for so long to jump/sleep on the bed, this is a really hard habit to break. So curious about how others feel about allowing pets on the bed. Based on this article, looks like this could be a source of conflict for some couples. I myself am willing to defer to Racquetball Guy on this issue since he has allergies (not necessarily related to cats), but it will probably take some time for both Choo-Choo and I to get use to this change. In the meantime, the excessive meowing continues.

Racquetball Guy told me this morning that everyone likes to hear a good love story, so he's comfortable with me talking about our budding romance. With that said, we've been spending a great deal of time together -- in fact, we've been together the last 5 nights. Last night after eating food ordered from Leona's, we cuddled up to watch his favorite show: Soul Food. I actually ordered Showtime so that we could watch. Wishing I had done it a long time ago, as it looks like Soul Food is a really good show. So too bad next week is the final episode. Racquetball Guy says that I'm his Maxine so I’m going to have to rent or buy the previous seasons on DVD so I can better understand her character.

There is an evil force in play that is testing my relationship with Racquetball Guy. But I'm happy to report that it's actually helping to make our relationship stronger. He has opened up about some things in his life which in turn prompted me to share things I've long kept secret from the outside world. So not to sound corny or anything, but I think it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Racquetball Guy and I spent about an hour yesterday talking about what he discovered while reading my blog. He was surprised by the fact that I was so open, honest and expressive about so many things in my life. And while he did advice me on being careful about what I reveal, he surprisingly encouraged me to continue blogging. One thing yet to be worked out is how much of our relationship I'll blog about. Truth be told, probably not alot. While we've been on 11+ dates, I'm still very protective of the relationship.

After lounging around for much of yesterday, Racquetball Guy and I got our act together and went to see Troy. I almost didn't want to see it since Roger Ebert sort of trashed it in his review last week. But thought I'd check it out since many other critics were giving it high marks. Glad I went. Granted it was over the top and the producer/director took poetic license with history, it was still a good movie and definitely one worth seeing on the big screen.

Racquetball Guy knows about my blog. He found out on Saturday night on our way to see comedian Steve Harvey perform in Merriville, Indiana. I wasn't yet ready to tell him, but he started asking me about how I met the people I had the dinner party for about a month ago and I couldn't very well explain without talking about blogging. Now that he knows, I'm somewhat nervous as I know he's going to read my archives. There is nothing there that I'm ashamed of -- but it's sort of weird to have someone you're dating read things you wrote long before you even knew each other.

Things I like about dating:

Having someone of the opposite sex to go out with. Having someone of the opposite sex tell me how much they like spending time with me. Having someone of the opposite sex tell me how beautiful they think I am. Having someone of the opposite sex to snuggle up to at night. Having someone of the opposite sex to day dream about and possible build a future with.

Ok, now that I've got that out of my system, back to chores I go.

How do you know when you're in love? I'm just wondering! Racquetball Guy and I had a conversation the other night which is making me thing of this. So I'm curious to get feedback from others out there who are currently married or in a long term relationship.

Update: For the record, let me say that I don't think that I'm yet in love but I'm definitely on my way...

I took my sister and her family out for dinner at the Grand Lux Cafe for her birthday. Racquetball Guy came along and let me say how good it felt to have someone on my side of the table. I know it's early in the relationship (we've only been on 9 dates many several days long), but I can't help but day dream about the future. I feel like I'm extending my own branch of the Barzey family.

Happy Birthday to my younger sister -- she turns 23 today!

Racquetball guy is over here hanging out. No I still haven't shown him this blog. Maybe later. We're actually going to attempt to watch The Last Samurai which is now overdue from the video store. We tried to watch it on Sunday night while everyone else was watching Survivor, but I fell asleep. Let's see if I can make it through without falling asleep again.

Udpate: Dozed off -- but did wake up in time to see the end. Not a bad movie. Thinking I might have enjoyed watching it more if the picture quality was better and I didn’t have to struggle to read the subtitles. Oh well! At least I watched most of the darn thing.

It's only 9pm and I'm about ready to call it a night. I usually don't go to bed until after midnight. I suspect my current state has something to do with the fact that I was out and about all weekend. Dating while fun is exhausting.

Things are better -- much better. Racquetball Guy (RG) and I talked things through on Sunday morning and thankfully he's being very patient with me. In my own defense, I should say that we went to see Denzel Washington's latest movie: Man on Fire and it put me in a weird irritable mood for the rest of the night. The movie was violent and depressing. Truth be told, I was crying in the car on the way back from the theatre. Weird, but true.

On Sunday, we met up with my Best Guy Friend (BGF) and his girlfriend in Gurnee. We had lunch at Red Ruby Ruby Tuesday (hey they only have chain restaurants up there). Then I left RG with my BGF while I went shopping with his girlfriend. I was a little concerned about leaving RG with BGF as we have such a long history and I was afraid that BGF might reveal some things I wasn't yet ready to share. Or worse yet, RG might ask BGF some pointed questions about me. What they talked about I still have no idea, but they both seem to be in good spirits when we got from mall. We even talked about getting together sometime in the near future. Such a bummer that they don’t live closer to the city.

I'm on the verge of sabotaging everything with Racquetball guy. Not intentionally, but it's just working out that way. In many ways he's perfect but there are a few things about him that annoy me. Nothing major that should really cause me to run -- but I'm feeling that way. I'm not use to all this attention.

There is nothing more annoying that calling up your online service provider or say your credit card company re a problem and having them push products and services not related to said problem.

SCREAMING OUT LOUD! Does anyone hear me? Yes, it's job stress and no I can't talk about it....

A battle is brewing in the Barzey household. It's between the two men in my life: Choo-Choo and Racquetball Guy. Basically, ever since I started going out with Racquetball Guy, Choo-Choo has gotten a little jealous. In fact, if Racquetball Guy comes over, Choo-Choo insists on being in the same room and meows at the top of his lungs. It's the weirdest thing. Racquetball Guy is doing his best to win Choo-Choo over but it may take some time. All I can say is that it's a good thing Choo-Choo doesn't have any claws. Thinking he would use them on Racquetball Guy and that wouldn't be a good thing. I so want them both to like each other.

I haven't read much these last few months, but here is a book I'm going to check out the next time I'm in a bookstore.

Who you callin' fat? By Corrie Pikul Slate, May 3rd 2004

After a lifetime of obsessing over her weight, the author of "The Fat Girl's Guide to Life" embarked on a mission to free women from their fear of fat.

Don't be turned off by the title: Wendy Shanker's self-help memoir, "The Fat Girl's Guide to Life," isn't just for overweight women. Shanker's frank and funny look at living large in America will resonate with any woman who has obsessed over her body image (and who hasn't?). Sounding off on everything from diets to drugs, models to magazines, food to finances, "The Fat Girl's Guide to Life" recounts the strategies that Shanker, a TV and magazine writer and stand-up comedian, has used to "come to terms with the skin I'm in." She's unapologetically Fat with a capital F -- "fat is a state of body," she writes, "but Fat is a state of mind" -- and wants to demystify and reclaim the word.

Original link via Jennifer Weiner's blog.

Didn't blog yesterday as I wasn't near a computer with access to the Internet. I spent the day with Racquetball Guy and just kind of lounged around watching TV after he treated me to his specialty pancake breakfast. So yummy! The night before we had a late dinner at Redfish after going to the theatre to see Proof. I'm too lazy (really too tired) to write a detailed review of the peformance which I thought was well done, but thought I'd offer up a description as listed at the Goodman Theatre's website.

The line between genius and madness can be razor thin. At least that's Catherine's fear. An untrained prodigy, she's inherited her mathematician father's brilliance, and, quite possibly, his madness. Now, with her emotional safe haven gone, Catherine is forced to come face to face with her own genius. In the process, she makes a stunning revelation that could quite literally turn the world upside down.

The Tony Award and Pulitzer Prize winner comes home to Chicago as Chuck Smith directs an all-African-American cast in this elegant and eloquent, greatly entertaining and thoroughly engrossing play.

It's the one month anniversary of meeting Racquetball Guy face to face. Big GRIN!!!

Ok -- this is really posted on May 6th -- but wanted to place on anniversary day.

I saw my first drag show last night. It was at the Baton Show Lounge. My gal pals and I had front row seats to all the action and so it make things quite interesting. Truth be told, I kept looking at their crotch, to see if I could see a bulge, but nothing. They all looked beautiful in their various diva outfits and quite a few worked the stage that I couldn't help but hand over dollars tips to a few of the girls. Thinking it would be the perfect place for a bachelorette party.