July 2003 Archives

It's approximately 12 days before my 33rd birthday and I've already gotten my first birthday card. It's from Harrah's Casino so it doesn't really count; but I'm somewhat touched. Oh sure, it's a marketing ploy but no other business in recent times has tried to woo me so heavily. I went there one day last fall with my best guy friend so he could win a $100 for signing me up and ever since then, they've been sending me information and promotional offers non stop. Little do they know that they're wasting their time since I'm not a gambler. My best guy friend was the one who played using my card. When it comes to gambling I'm definitely not a high roller. On the rare occasion that I find myself in a casino, I'm on the nickel slots.

Someone else is writing about their 15 minutes of fame. It's Gideon Horowitz who worked as a waiter on the NBC reality show: The Restaurant. One interesting passage from his blog:

Originally, I wasn't allowed to the premiere...they didnt want to mix business with pleasure...but a last minute call from the NBC press manager sent me on the 6 train to the restaurant in a hurry. Apparantly Extra wanted to do an interview with me. I actually did the whole red carpet thing...an experience I cant put into words...paparazzi were screaming my name .."over here....over here...look to the right Gideon" As I was standing in front of 50 lenses I couldnt help but think...are these people serious. I didn't cure cancer, I'm not starring in a feature film, I just let cameras follow me around for awhile. However ridiculous the situation was...it was a dream come true.

Link via Gawker.

Btw, one reality TV show that doesn't suck is: The Amazing Race. So, if you didn't watch it tonight, make sure you catch it next week. The show rocks!

I spent almost three hours on the phone last night talking to the first boss I had when I joined the ranks of worker bee in corporate America. She was such a great boss, that no other boss I've had since then has ever measured up. So I love talking to her. During the conversation, we got on the subject of pets. My former boss, now friend is a total dog person. I am a cat person. We talked about the fact that dogs and cats show their love and appreciation in different ways. The joke below speaks to that fact. It's funny as heck, and oh so true.

Difference between a cat and a dog...

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me
with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They
must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me
with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must
be a God!

I guess I have more things in common with my best guy friend's girlfriend that I thought:

Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Quiz found at Tsukata's weblog.

Choo-Choo and I are both enjoying the lime line light. We are getting fan mail plus quite a few congratulatory phone calls. I know all of this attention won't last and that 5 of our 15 minutes of fame are almost up, but we're going to milk the remaining 10 for all it's worth. Hopefully you won't think me obnoxious. I don't want to loose any of the people who've been with me since the beginning. Btw, in checking my site stats, it show that 212 unique visitors stopped by yesterday. That's triple the number of people who normally read my blog on any given day. Yippeee!! My highest ever before the release of this article was sometime in April. On the day in question which brought 146 unique visitors, the Gulf War had just started and I was posting quite frequently. I know this number will go back down, but if 5 new people start reading my blog on a regular basis, I'll be really happy with that. More importantly, if I inspire one person to start their own blog, I'll be really proud.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention that I called the Chicago Tribune yesterday to see about getting a glossy copy of the article for framing; the price quoted was $275 for black & white, $375 for color. I almost keeled over. I then promptly went out and bought additional copies for 50 cents each.

In talking to my best guy friend earlier today, he told me that The New York Times had published an obituary on Bob Hope written in 1999 by Vincent Canby. The fact that the obituary was written long ago is not really usual, but what makes this story interesting is that The New York Times posted the article, even though Mr. Canby has been dead since 2000. Granted that not much has happened these last few years in Bob Hope's life to really warrant an update, but come on. I guess dead men do tell tales.

Bob Hope, Master of One-Liners and Friend to GI's, Dies at 100 New York Times - Jul 28, 2003 ... obituary was written in 1999 by Vincent Canby, a film and theater critic for The Times. Mr. Canby died in 2000. By VINCENT CANBY There was nothing Bob Hope ...

I just wanted to say a warm welcome to all those who were directed to my weblog from the Chicago Tribune article. I got a little panicky, but as my sister and best guy friend told me earlier, everything will be fine. So I’m no longer having second thoughts about granting the interview. In fact I think the reporter, Gail Philbin did an excellent job in capturing my essence. Plus I'm really digging the picture taken by Margo Cohn. Interestingly enough, when I gave the interview I had just gotten back from New York, where I helped to celebrate my aunts’ graduation from Vassar College. In any event, for those of you who want to get to know me better, check out my monthly archives as well as the about me section. And if you’re new to the blogging world, also check out my list of other weblogs worth reading. There’s a world out there yet to be discovered. Welcome once again!

Since the online version of article on women bloggers didn’t have any pictures, I went downstairs and bought a hard copy of today’s Chicago Tribune. I then reread the article (which I really enjoyed) and stared at my picture (lovely!), which received top billing on the front page of the woman news section. After sitting there for about 15 minutes, I started to think about what I had done by agreeing to be profiled. Part of the reason for keeping an online journal is to record my life journey and in doing so, I've tried to be as open as possible about what I'm thinking, doing and feeling. Years from now I want to look back and reflect on what things were like for me then. But as I sat there reading the paper, I wondered if things would ever be the same and whether or not the larger audience would cause me to self-censor. I wondered whether or not I could still continue to be so open and honest knowing that more people from my real world were reading my weblog. Feeling panicky about it all, I called my older sister in Boston. After reading the story, she did manage to calm me down in between bouts of laughter. At one point during the call, I had to put her on hold and it was a former coworker calling to congratulate me on the profile. She wondered why I hadn’t told her it was coming out. My response: “I was trying to keep it on the down low.” Somehow, I’m not sure that’s possible; already I’ve had 83 unique visitors this morning. That’s more than I get in a typical day. I even got an email from a former coworker who urged me to get out more as based on “the few entries she read it sounds like I'm depressed.” True, I haven’t been my happy outgoing self lately, but that’s because I have a stressful job, recently had a major health scare and I’m just now getting over a wicked cold. So yes, it's been a rough last few weeks and so my writing has been somewhat dark. But anyone who’s read me these last 8 months will know that I have a pretty active social life. Good lord! What have I done? In getting back to my sister who was cracking up while rereading some of my earlier stories, she said: “good luck with all the fans.” Thanks I replied. Thanks!

The Chicago Tribune has finally published article on women bloggers; and so the clock has started on my 15 minutes of fame. As such, it will be interesting to see what sort of boost I'll get to my daily stats as a result of this article. According to extreme tracking, I'm averaging about 70 unique vistors per day. Beyond a possible boost to my readership, it will be interesting to see who from my past will find me again from reading this article. Already, a former coworker from LexisNexis sent a quick email. Speaking of stats, thanks to George for leaving the 1000th comment last night. Now go read and enjoy!!

To read the article in full, click on continue reading link below.

Earlier tonight, I finished reading Acting Out, a novel written by Benilde Little. It's about a BAP (Black American Princess) whose husband leaves her for another woman after 3 kids and 12 years of marriage. According to him, she lost herself in the marriage. She was no longer the woman he married. Whatever! After the initial shock and grief, she manages to pull herself together and rekindles her passion for photography as a way to help provide for her family. Oh yeah, she even looks up her old boyfriend from college and wonders about what could have been. While Acting Out is a quick read (I read most of it last night), I wouldn't particularly recommend it to anyone as while Little proved she is a awesome writer with her debut novel Good Hair, this novel was a little flat and at times extremely boring. So disappointed was I in the book, that I was even thinking about taking it back to Borders; but then it's a first edition signed by the author, so maybe I'll hold on and just add to my book collection.

I’ve been thinking that Choo-Choo and I are probably more alike than I’d care to admit. Here are the top five reasons why:

1. We are both really self-conscious; neither of us likes starring at ourselves in the mirror.
2. Sometimes we like to hide from the people that love us.
3. We both like taking naps.
4. It takes us a while to warm up to some people.
5. If given the opportunity, we would over indulge in our favorite treats.

Weird I tell you. Just weird. Well, maybe not so weird!

YOU! Yes YOU that keeps coming here after searching google for "freaky sex," go away. There is none to be had here. Truth be told, I'm almost a born again virgin!

I've been thinking about taking a break from blogging. Lately, I've have so many thoughts (mostly negative) running through my head, that I feel overwhelmed at times. So I was thinking that it might be good to walk away and regroup instead of saying more things I might later regret. Maybe read a few of the novels on my nightstand. Maybe see a few more movies. I hate to say it, but I need to escape my own reality and writing about things on this blog, as well as talking to family, friends, and coworkers about my latest trials and tribulations over and over again is just too emotionally exhausting. Funny I should be thinking about taking a break when the Chicago Tribune article on women bloggers is set to come out any day now. Maybe I'll wait a week and see how I feel.

Everyone who has a blog should set up a wish list. Not because you want people to buy you things, but because in addition to the "about me section" which should be mandatory, a wish list offers insight into one’s current taste in books, movies, and music, etc. Plus you never know, when you're having a bad day/week, one of your readers might surprise you with a gift. Just a thought!

I neglected my chores this afternoon to watch the Godfather I & Godfather II movies. I've seen both of these movies, many many times, but since they are on my list of top 10 movies of all time, I couldn't resist watching again. I know these movies are filled with violent and illegal acts, but at their core, these movies are about loyalty, friendship and love of family. I could go on and on about these movies, but I'll just leave you with a few of my favorite quotes:

Don Corleone: "Friendship is everything. Friendship is more than talent. It is more than government. It is almost the equal of family. Never forget that..."

***
Michael Corleone: My father's no different than any other powerful man. Any man who's responsible for other people, like a Senator, or a President.
Kay Adams: Do you know how naive you sound?
Michael Corleone: Why?
Kay Adams: Senators and Presidents don't have men killed.
Michael Corleone: Oh. Who's being naive, Kay?

***
Michael Corleone: "There are many things my father taught me here in this room. He taught me: keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."

Delisting someone from your weblog, unfortunately doesn’t mean you’ve wipe them from your memory or even sight. What I have long thought and now confirmed is that there is a sort of six degrees of separation in the blogsphere. So a word of advice, choose your blog friends carefully. Think wisely before you let someone into your circle by blogrolling them. Because once you’ve linked to them, you’re blog friends will find them, and some will start reading them on a regular basis. A few will even add this person to their blogroll and when the friendship with this person goes sour for reasons you are not completely sure of, you’re left wondering how you can continue on in the circle. You can’t ask them to choose. You can’t ask them to delist this person. Heck, you never even told them that you'd become close friends. So unfortunately, you must grin and bear it and more importantly hope that your feelings of resentment against this person soon passes. And that my friends, is a major drag.

Tell me something I don't already know.

This song represents so much of what I've been feeling lately.

All I Really Want Written & Performed by Alanis Morissette from Jagged Little Pill album.

Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say, "how appropriate."
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance

Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker
And I'm fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature

What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred

Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around... all around

Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no cencept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

All I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice. . .

Becky and James are doing an excellent job with postings for Blogathon 2003. So if you haven't checked them out today, stop by. Better yet, make a donation while you're there as they are blogging for two really great charities. Becky is blogging for Canine Assistants and James is blogging for the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission.

Forgot to mention that I received confirmation yesterday that MRA/MRI came back clean. So I do not have a brain tumor. Thank goodness. I never really thought I had a brain tumor but for peace of mind, I insisted on the test to rule it out. With that out of the way, it’s still unclear as to why I'm getting chronic headaches. I'm sure it's stress to one degree, but it might have something to do with allergies. So if things don't subside, I might go down that route. But for now, I'm going to take a break from doctors.

I hereby banish all dirty old men and their friends from reading my weblog. So let it be written. So let it be done!

Ok, my last few posts have been all downers. I promise real soon to have some good news. In the mean time, bare with me.

If you never really wanted to be my friend, you shouldn't have started sending me emails. You shouldn't have looked up my number and called my house. You shouldn't have asked me to send you more pictures of myself. Thank goodness I had the good enough sense not to send you any revealing shots. Thank goodness that while we spent many hours on the phone, I have nothing to be really embarrassed about. Ok, maybe that one phone call a few weeks ago. But whatever! Oh the highs and lows of our blog friendship. One minute you can't get enough of me, then the next you remove me from your blogroll and ignore my email asking, what's up? Don't I at least deserve some sort of explanation. I thought you were suppose to be real. Whatever dude! Your lost.

Ok, I'm sure you guys and gals want to know who this person is. Well if you're the detective type, I'm sure you can figure it out in no time. And if you think you know who it is, and want confirmation, feel free to ask.

This mid summer cold is kicking my butt. I cough and cough and cough.

Telling your boss that you're thinking of quitting your job within earshot of other coworkers is probably not the smartest idea. Particularly when you really don't have another job lined up. I didn't really mean to tell him today, but I'm just really frustrated. Frustrated with the way things are being run at my company. Heck my boss has only been with the company for two months, and he was already promoted. Yet, here I am, almost a year into the job, with no promotion in sight. So I'm pissed because my revenue numbers are the highest of the team. In fact, my efforts help land my company's largest client. This client is currently holding up the Chicago sales office. Yet, my efforts are not being rewarded or worse yet recognized by management. Plus the commission plan has changed which means I'll have to work twice as hard for less money. Call me crazy, but I'm not interested in doing so. In this tough environment, the only thing that makes sales barely as a profession is the money and under the new plan, I don't really see myself making money. So I blurted out my frustration. Time will only tell what will happen next. At this point, I'm ready for a change. The situation is what it is, so what will be, will be!

I'm in need of a muse. I seek one as it relates to work, love, and life in general.

Muse: A guiding spirit. A source of inspiration.

Anyone out there want the job?

A word of advice, if you are in the coughing stage of a wretched cold, and you are slated to go have a MRA/MRI done, just postpone. It's near impossible to lie still in such a small space while fighting back your desire to cough. Thank goodness I'm not really claustrophobic. While I was able to complete the exam, it was only finished after many false starts -- I couldn't stop coughing. Now the wait begins to get the results back. According to the technician, it will be 3-5 business days before the results are sent to my doctor. Yet another form of torture.

Update: I got the MRA/MRI as I'm currently suffering from chronic headaches. Even with medication they don't seem to want to go away.

If you sign up to serve your country by being in the military, thinking you should be paid a living wage. I'm thinking about this because one of my friends is dating a guy who use to be in the military and he feels sort of behind the curve, because he wasn't really able to save much while he was in the military. Plus, my 19 year old nephew who in currently in the Air Force never seems to have any money. Heck, he sent me an instant message yesterday asking me to call his mother to send money. He couldn't afford to get his military uniforms from the dry cleaners. Ok, I'll admit that my nephew is probably not the best money manager, but if you sign up for a job where the possibility of you dying for your country is extremely high, shouldn't you be paid a living wage? I think so. Heck, instead of giving more tax cuts to the rich, this administration needs to be redirecting that money to the military budget so that the men and women in the armed forces can get a decent wage. The 4% recently approved by Congress is not enough.

Mommy Ursula has finally given me my own personal space on this weblog. Yippee!! Am I not the cutest cat you've ever seen? Ok, I know some of you out there also have cats so you really don't have to answer that. In any event, send mommy some love. She’s over here depressed as she's been cooped up in the house since Friday. She's got a wretched cold.

Someone who shall remain nameless recently told me that my weblog was the first he ever read. I was a little surprised but as I reflect on this revelation, trying not to let it go to my head because even though he couldn't remember, I'm sure it was some random search that sent him to my site. So on many levels; it’s really no big deal. As for me, the first blog I ever read was (is) written by my friend Leigh over at HanlonVision. I first encountered his blog during the summer of 2002 when he was on blogger and theme was more science fiction/UFO focused. His blog was a major source of inspiration for me to do something with the barzey.com domain name. Anyone else out there remember the first blog they read? Inquiry minds want to know.

Since I’m sick, I’ve been napping and watching television all day long. The channel that I've spent the most time watching is the Food Network. Who would have thought that watching people cook or talk about food would be so entertaining for hours on end. Plus, even though my appetite is almost nonexistent today, some of the shows have made me wicked hungry for more than just food. Oliver from The Naked Chef & Oliver's Twist is just yummy!

I went to the UK version of Amazon, and expected to find that Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix would top the list of 100 hot books. But no, Harry Potter is number 2. At top of list is: Dr Atkins' New Diet Revolution: The No-hunger, Luxurious Weight Loss Plan That Really Works! What? If you go to the American version of Amazon, you will indeed find Harry Potter on top. In second place is: The South Beach Diet: The Delicious, Doctor-Designed, Foolproof Plan for Fast and Healthy Weight Loss. Not sure what to gleam from all of this except for the fact that the British are finally catching up to the Atkins craze, while Americans have moved on to the South Beach diet.

Asklepios/Aesculapius, God of Health and Medicine, is testing my faith again. I have yet another cold. It really sucks to have a cold in the middle of summer.

In looking at my sitemeter stats earlier today, I noticed that someone came to my site via pornolize.com. Since my curiosity was peaked, I clicked on the link and followed the prompt to enter a website URL. I chose to enter my own and what appeared was a porno version of my own site. The results are a little disturbing, but also funny as heck. So check it out.

When reading this blog, please keep in mind that while this may sometimes read like a diary, not everything that happens in my life is entered here. But if I choose to post about something, I try and be as honest and open as possible about that particular situation. However, many things that happen to me in my day to day life are still left out. So while you may think you know me, unless you're with me 24-7, you really have no idea!

Being in B2B sales, I tend to be more tolerant of telemarketers when they call my house. I make my share of cold calls at work, so I’ll listen to a B2C sales pitch for about 1-3minutes. Almost always, I decline the offer to purchase whatever the company is selling. Having said that, what I have no patience for are sales people (and religious zealots for that matter) who come to my home uninvited. I just detest these sorts of face to face encounters. Such a situation happened to me as I entered my building tonight. Inside the doorway was this young woman who I assumed was waiting on a friend. She sad hello and we made small talk about the monsoon like rain coming down outside. It was then that she launched into her pitch for me to become a sponsor of Save the Children Foundation. I was so taken aback that it left me momentarily speechless. Luckily I recovered quickly and made a mad dash for the elevators after telling her that while I'm sure they do good work, I already give to several other charities. Plus, I'd seen enough Save the Children infomercials with Sally Struthers on late night television, that if I was going to give to that organization, I would have done so already. Heck, any organization that can afford to run infomercials doesn't need my money.

While browsing Borders on one of my extended lunch breaks last week, I came across Jill Nelson’s new book: Sexual Healing. I was excited to read this book, having read Nelson’s national bestseller Volunteer Slavery about 10 years ago. In that book, she recounts her experience of being the first black female writer at The Washington Post Sunday magazine.

Sexual Healing is about two women who have been friends forever, who decide to open a spa with special services catering exclusively to black women. Basically, it’s a high class brothel where the roles are reverse. These women are the proprietors and clearly in control and in tune with what so many sexually frustrated black women want and need. The men who work there are doing the servicing and trained on the fine art of pleasuring a woman. As I read through the book which at times was like a porno, I was trying to decide whether or not I would actually go to such a place if there really was A Sister’s Spa. At times I thought yes, other times no. As much as I would like to think that I’m a sexually forward thinking woman who wants to get her groove on, I’m not sure I would want to pay for sex; even if, I haven’t had any in a long while; and I admit, I’ve had my dry spells (currently in one right now).

Sex for me is much more than a physical act. While the last time I had some is such a distant memory, I remember how conflicted I was because while I enjoyed the act itself, I had regrets after. It was with someone who I had a toxic relationship with and after I felt like an alcoholic who had fallen off the wagon. Yeah the drink (sex) felt good during those moments of passion but later it stirred up so many negative emotions for me, that it left me so conflicted. So, I’m only interested in having sex with someone who I have a meaningful relationship with; someone who loves me and truly shares my goals, dreams, wants and desires. I suppose this would explain why I’ve never really had a one night stand. Sure there have been people (men – 1 maybe 2 ), that I’ve slept with once, but those were men who I knew for an extended period of time who I thought had real romantic possibilities. Thank goodness I’m no longer young, dumb and naive when it comes to those sorts of things.

While I’m conservative on these sort of things, I wouldn’t really stop anyone from engaging in casual sex between consenting adults. Maybe sometimes like the women in Sexual Healing, its good to get your freak on without having to worry about what the shit means and more importantly knowing that he’s all about catering to your sexual needs. Lord knows, we all need some sexual healing. Speaking of which, I really don’t understand why some men (grown men at that) are still so selfish in bed. Why don’t men understand that women (well let me speak for myself only) want to feel special while engaging in sexual relations and that it’s a give and take? It shouldn't be wham, bam, thank you mam. It never was, even when you’re having hot freaky sex. And if a girl wants to cuddle and talk after, why can’t they listen? What the hell is so hard about that? Ok, getting off my soap box. Plus, I’ve probably said too much. But to come full circle, if you're looking for a good summer read, check out Sexual Healing.

Saw my doctor earlier today and it's still unclear what type of headaches I'm experiencing. Based on symptoms it could either be sinus or muscular tension headaches. So she wrote a prescription to treat both. I'm not really a big fan of medication per se, but these headaches are so intense at times, that I'm really looking toward to some relief. Also, to be on the safe side, I'm getting an MRA/MRI done next Monday. It sucks I have to wait that long to get it done, as I’ll have to wait a few more days to get the results, but I suppose better late than never. Despite the cost, I need to have it done so I can get rid of all the crazy thoughts floating through my head.

Three coworkers handed in their resignation in the last two weeks and so this provided an excuse for us to all go out for drinks last night @ Rock Bottom Restaurant & Brewery. During this soiree, there were things I learnt about some of my coworkers in the middle of what can only be described as a drinking binge that I wish I had never learnt; because once you've learnt these things, it's hard to see them in the same light. I mean really, do I need to know or be thinking about my coworker’s sexual history or current habits? Worse yet, do I really need to know that, more than one coworker casually used drugs? Personally, I would prefer not to know these things. Unfortunately, when you are caught up in the moment of drinking and having a good time, these things slip out and it's difficult to erase from your memory.

Update: I have the worst hangover. So a lesson to all, just because someone is buying you drinks and shots, does not mean you should drink them. No matter how great the peer pressure.

I woke up this morning remembering a dream from last night. It was just horrible. It started with me getting off the #77 Belmont bus and immediately loosing feeling in most of my body. I was screaming for help as I went down, but no one could hear me. No one came to help. Then I dreamt I was in the hospital and I kept worrying about who was taking care of Choo-Choo. I was also worried about who would take care of me when I got out the hospital. I was upset that I hadn't made any plans for both of us. They tell people who have kids to make contingency plans in the event something awful happens, but no one had counseled me on doing the same for Choo-Choo. I kept worrying because I couldn't find anyone to take care of him. It was all so very sad. I suppose I stressed myself out so much in the dream that I woke up not just with a headache, but now an earache. I even thought of blowing off my second day of CRM training to head straight to my doctor's office. Luckily, she called just as I was leaving for work and after relaying my symptoms; she thinks I might just have a sinus headache. Yes, she assured me, they can last for a very long time. So, I’m taking an over the counter drug that she recommended and I’m going to see her tomorrow afternoon. I suppose I’ll live until then. But I'm so panicky about everything now I just might insist on a comprehensive exam; heck, maybe even x-rays. So thank goodness for health insurance.

It's never too early to start your holiday shopping. So if you've got the bucks, check out Unclaimed Baggage store. You're sure to come across some "interesting" items.

Over one million items pass through the store annually. About 60% of the merchandise is clothing with the balance of the store dedicated to cameras, electronics, sporting goods, jewelry, designer optical, books and of course, luggage. The vast majority of items are from unclaimed baggage which, after at least 90 days of intensive tracking by the airlines, are declared unclaimed.

Now that President Bush is back from Africa, I'm wondering how long Congress will take to approve the $15billion he pledged to fight AIDS? He first mentioned the pledge in 2003 State of the Union speech, so it's not like they're hearing it for the first time.

$1 billion per week. That's how much it's going to cost the US Government to fight this war in Iraq. Oh yeah, and according to Newsweek article, "that billion a week is just the beginning. It doesn't include the cost of running Iraq's government and rebuilding it, which could be an additional billion a month." Now does this seem right? With the American economy in the crappers, thinking this money could have been better spent here in the US. Oh, and we haven't even talked about the number of American soldiers who have and will continue to come home in body bags fighting a war that seem less justified. Does anyone remember Vietnam? Here's hoping the pessimist in me gets proved wrong about this whole sorted mess. Here's hoping they find Saddam along with those weapons of mass destruction soon. I really would like to believe in my President again.

I first read about Boy Meets Boy at Mirandala.org. Now after reading the write up about the show in Newsweek, it sound downright cruel. Basically, Boy Meets Boy is the gay version of The Bachelor/The Bachelorette. However, there is a twist in that not all of the men competing are gay. In the mix are a few straight men who get the chance to win $25K if the "the leading man" picks them. However, "the leading man" isn't told that some of the men aren't gay until halfway through the season. Considering that he's there to find "real love" (if that's even possible on TV), I think it's disingenuous for the producers to play with people's emotions like this. This twist smacks of desperation on the part of producers to create huge ratings. Shame on Bravo who is airing this show.

In this week's edition of Newsweek, there is an interesting article on animal emotions. Basically, scientist are starting to come around to the idea that animals have feelings and are quite capable of loving their human handlers. I myself never had any doubt. Here is an excerpt:

For decades, psychologists have discounted the idea that pets can love their humans back. They have argued that animals that appear to express emotions are merely reacting to hormonal rushes triggered—in cold, but typical, technical language—by “outside stimuli.” But that view is changing, thanks to a loosely knit band of researchers working in fields as far-flung as neurobiology and behavioral observation. With new evidence gleaned from studies of dogs, chimps and sundry other creatures, science is starting to catch up to what pet owners have always suspected: animals experience surges of deep-seated fear, jealousy and grief—and, most important, love. Unlike the few researchers who came before them, the scientists leading the new movement actually have solid evidence. “Five years ago my colleagues would have thought I was off my rocker,” says biologist Marc Bekoff. “But now scientists are finally starting to talk about animal emotions in public. It’s like they’re coming out of the closet.”

I received an email a few days ago from someone who claims to be a big fan of this blog and wants to know if I would consider doing a link swap. Here is my public response. NO! Why am I saying no? Well, any weblog links on my website are those that I read on a daily/weekly basis. There are more that I read, but the ones listed are those that I recommend to my blog readers. As such, I have no intention of adding links just cause. While I’m flattered by this request, this person would have been better off coming to my site and leaving a comment or two. This is how I usually find some of my new reads. Besides, when I link to someone, I don't expect them to link back to me. It’s nice if they do, but my feelings aren’t hurt if they don’t. So if this person wants to go ahead and link to me, great! But I'm going to have to spend some time reading your blog before I decide to link to you. And then, it won't be because you want to link to me. It’s because I like what you have written and want to keep going back for more.

For borderline hypochondriacs like myself, the Internet is a blessing and a curse. At the slightest discomfort, we search various medical sites like WebMD trying to self diagnosis. This is not the smartest thing in the world since I'm usually way off base about what's wrong and this leads to unnecessary worry and stress, but it hasn't stopped me from searching. I haven’t really done that with this constant headache/migraine thing, because I just assumed it was work related. But, I'm starting to get worried. I’ve never had a headache last for such a long period of time. I do get some relief from the Advil Migraine pills put it’s only temporary. Goodness! I really hope there is nothing wrong with me. I can't afford to get ill right now. Hopefully the gods will smile on me soon and take this awful headache away. But if it doesn't go away soon, I might just have to go see my doctor.

Sometimes when I'm not in the mood to be social, I try and suck it up and just go out. As much as I like to be home feeling sorry for myself (job woes), it really does me no good. So I was really pleased that I didn’t back out on my friends last night; even though I still have that migraine headache. We decided to meet at Melvin B’s but it was so crowded that we ended up at The Blue Agave. After one too many margaritas, we then went to Big Bowl for dinner. I had the option of going to a gathering of Young Republicans but I thought that might be pushing my luck for the evening, so I took a pass. As curious as I may be about the other half, I was in no mood to talk politics tonight. Even still, it was a good night as I always feel better when I spend a few hours with friends catching up on each others lives.

I've changed. Well just my hairstyle that is. After months of wearing an afro puff every day, decided to get hair twisted. Here's a picture of me from last Thursday with my new haircut. You can't really see the back but I had quite a bit of it chopped off. Wasn't really sure about the cut at first but I'm getting a lot of compliments so feeling a bit more confident about how things look. It's weird having short hair.

If I didn't already own so many darn sweatshirts I don't wear, I might seriously consider ordering a Neighborhoodie. Maybe I will anyway. It would be a great reminder for the neighborhood of my youth.

Via NPR.

Jerry Springer is considering running for the United States Senate from Ohio. And to support his candidacy, he has his very own blog powered by Movable Type. While you're there watching his infomerical, he wants you to sign an online petition encouraging him to run, as well as send a few bucks his way. Lord help us! Is this guy serious? Don't answer that. I suppose if the State of Minnesota can elect Jesse "The Body" Ventura as Governor, it's not too far fetched that Ohio might elect Jerry Springer as Senator. That's if he decides to run of course.

A former boss emailed me link to the Dolphin Stress Test and I can't stop laughing after completing. In her note she wrote: "This test is amazingly accurate and fast." So true, so very true.

In case you were worried (and I know most of you weren't), all is well after a few drinks with new friends at Phyllis' Musical Inn.

I'm at a loss for words today. It's my second day fighting back tears and a migraine headache. Nonetheless, I can always find time to do a quiz.

House (yellow): You make sure that your financial decisions are safe and secure. You are wary of taking risks and are overly cautious that tends to let golden opportunities slip from your grasp!

True! Very true!

Shirt (black): Elegance is essential. It doesn't matter if you are going to the opera or the to the corner shop, you make sure that you look fantastic.

Anyone who knows me, know that this is far from the truth. Definitely not into clothes.

Rose (red): You are aggressive in business, but tend to take the backseat when it comes to your personal life. You are more comfortable talking about work than relationships.

Oh so true! I suppose this might partially explain why I'm still single.

Car (black): In your mind, the image your friends have of you is very important. You like to have the latest brands and are prepared to invest a lot of your money in quality and expensive possessions.

Not very true; particularly when it comes to clothes. But if I'm going to buy something (like kitchenware) I do like to have the best of everything.

Cell Phone (grey): You are very sociable! You are the center of attention and have great stories to tell. But this often prevents from establishing deep relationships.

Sociable, but definitely don't like to be the center of attention. Also, I do have great stories to tell. But I almost never share them. Everything (almost everything) is a secret.

Teddy Bear (brown): You are a no-nonsense, practical person. You make sure that you are there when your friends need you, and like to solve their problems for them.

True! Very True!

Color game/quiz found via Anything But Ordinary.

At the movies on Saturday, I had the most delicious pretzel I've ever eaten. It was a stuffed mozzarella pizza pretzel made by Kim & Scott's Gourmet Pretzels. According to the blurb on packaging, they are: "low fat, all natural hand made soft pretzels." Just yummy!! So the next time you're at the theatre if you see them, skip the popcorn and try one of these pretzels. Or you can simply order then online.

I call my best guy friend to catch up and ramble about my latest crisis at work. He tells me I'm not really in a crisis. What? Maybe he's just saying that because he's too busy to talk and wants to get back to playing bridge. What the fuck? Where do I find these people? Why can't he just listen when I want need to ramble? It's not like we talk everyday. In fact, I haven't talk to him in weeks. I get no respect anymore. Oh, maybe I'm a bit over the top. Maybe I'm just being a drama queen. Maybe I'm just a tad bit hysterical and drunk. Maybe for once, I want to be front and center. Why can't I find a sympathetic ear? Why can't I.........???????

In case you were wondering, the Chicago Tribune feature on women bloggers is now slated for publication on Wednesday, July 30th. So now I have a few more weeks to stress about what I said to that reporter. On a positive note, this gives me more time before I have to tell some of my real world friends about this blog.

On the way home from work, I stopped at Dominick's to pick up a few groceries. And while walking down Broadway Street, saw a sign on Avenue Tavern Bar which said "watch our very own Amanda on Big Brother 4: Tuesday, Wednesday, THursday." In checking the Big Brother website, didn't see her name. But 5 of the profiles are left blank. Not suprised since all the promos said these 5 would be ex-boyfriend/girlfriend of others within the house. In any event, I'm excited to see that there is a Chicago person in the show. Knowing there will be watching parties down the street just might make things more interesting.

While trying to recompose myself during an extended lunch, I read: Tepper Isn't Going Out by Calvin Trillin. And despite my foul mood, couldn't help but chuckle. Story is about a guy in New York who finds legal spots to park and then sits in his car reading the paper despite the fact that he actually has a garage spot. This causes other motorists to get angry as he's taking up a perfectly legal spot he doesn't really need to use. Of course, there are others who don’t mind so much. I laughed while reading the story as a couple years ago; my best guy friend went out of town for about a long weekend and left me with his car. After driving home from the airport, I found this awesome spot right across from my building and I didn't move the car until it was time to pick him up at the airport. However, during those few days when I had the car, I would often go and sit and within a matter of minutes, other motorist would come up and ask if I was going out. Every time I said no. I knew my behavior was strange and frustrating to others but I was trying to decide whether or not to really give up this really good stop. Nothing I could think of doing (not even shopping or a long drive in the country) could convince me to move the car. Why? Well if you know my neighborhood, you would also know that street parking is somewhat scarce. As such, most buildings in the neighborhood (like my own) that provides parking charge about $200 a month to park your car. It’s really tough finding a spot on the street. I've had quite a few friends circle around the neighborhood for an hour and still couldn’t find anything. Most often, they just leave without coming up. Heck, my best guy friend won’t come visit me for this reason (well that’s one of the excuses he gives me anyway). And if you do manage to find a spot, you better be good at parallel parking. I’m horrible at it. Just horrible!! So that’s why all that weekend, I kept saying, nope – not going out!

Why is it that some people get ahead despite their less than stellar performance, when others who time and time again meet and exceed performance expectations get no satisfaction or validation? If anyone out there can explain this to me, I'd really appreciate you doing so. Your explanation might really prevent me from doing something I'm sure to regret tomorrow.

When your name begins with "U" and you use your name as part of your blog name, no one puts you on top. Particularly when most people list out their recommended list alphabetically. Hey, I do it too. But, I want to be on top! I like being on top! OK. Maybe it’s not so bad being at the bottom. At least I'm not in the middle. People normally forget about you when you're in the middle.

A long time ago, boys would write me love letters and I would write a few myself. Not so much anymore. I bring this up because earlier this week, a boy (a man now) from my past sent me an email. After years of trying to remember my last name (well that's what he wrote), it finally came to him and he googled and came upon my weblog. This email sent me looking for the box with all my love letters but I can't seem to find them anywhere. I don't know, maybe I threw them out in one of my "stop trying to hold on to the past" phase. In any event, in that box of love letters was a note I had written to this boy, during my last semester at Michigan. You see, we were both taking this class together (Political Science 420: Politics & Mass Media) and we became fast friends. Since that was such a tense time for me (I was taking 18 credit hours, working 40hours, writing my senior honors thesis and had boyfriend problems), I came to really look forward to seeing him in class. Like little school children, we would write notes to one another in class. Oh, I'm giggling now just thinking about it. We then hung out a few times outside of class. I vaguely remember the first time he invited me for coffee. I was so geeked. Here's was this HOT! boy (who liked what I liked) who was interested in me. As the semester drew to a close, I realized that we would soon be heading our separate ways and I'd always wonder about what could have been. So for the first time in my life, I decided to bold about what I wanted. Since I was too shy to actually communicate via conversation, I wrote a note to him basically saying I couldn't stand it anymore (all the sexual tension) and to meet me at certain place at a certain time if he wanted to take things further. After I dropped off the note where he was working as a study monitor (I think), I couldn’t think of much else. Thankfully he showed up and we had quite a bit of fun that inspired me to complete my 80 page thesis on time. I was so pleased that he was in my life at the time, that I thanked him in the acknowledgements of my thesis document. Hmmm, I wonder if I ever told him that? Specifically, I wrote: “And yes, to _____________ for inspiring me every Monday and Wednesday (as well as other moments in between).” I blush like a school girl every time I read that. After graduation, we sort of went our separate ways but I always felt like we had unfinished business. I tried contacting him when I moved to Chicago (almost 2 years after we graduated), but we never managed to connect again. Now I get this email. It's good to hear from him, but I'm trying to figure out how best to respond. He is so much apart of my past that I remember so fondly. But we're both different people. Plus, I'm trying to figure out if I can be friends with someone I had the hots for who is now married with a child. I don't know. I just don't know.

Apparently there are real women in New York who live like the women on Sex In The City. This I learnt while watching marathon showing of first season of: Single In The City 1 this past Thursday. Now I'm so hooked. It's sort of sad really, as quite a few of the women made a complete fool out of themselves in season 1. Thinking season 2 will be no different. Particularly when there are 3 single women for every single man in New York. Thank goodness I don't live there. In any event, can't wait for season 2 to begin -- it start in a few minutes.

At the suggestion of Titilayo, I started to catalog my household items today using feature within Microsoft Money (I already use if for managing my personal finances). Started by listing items in the kitchen since I have most of the receipts. Halfway through, instead of going, oh goodie, I have lots of stuff. I couldn't help but think, oh goodness; I need so much more stuff. So wondering, why is it that only married people get to do a gift registry? You know, if I'm not married by the time I reach 35 (less than 3 years to go), I'll throw myself a party, invite all my friends and make sure they know I've registered. Heck, I've bought enough wedding/birthday/anniversary/baby shower gifts over the years.

It sort of weird that I want all these kitchen things, since I don't cook much. But that's because I live alone and cooking for 1 is no fun. Oh I probably cook maybe once a week, if that. In fact, of the 9 piece All-Clad LTD pots I purchased in December; I've only used two of them. Of course, that's because I'm wicked afraid of damaging them. I almost wish I had ordered the stainless steel instead. So now I'm thinking about doing that particularly after talking to the William-Sonoma sales clerk yesterday who said she knows quite a few people who display the LTD and use the stainless for everyday cooking. I know, somewhat excessive, but they'll last a lifetime right? Plus they are so nice to look at. I did end of going back to William-Sonoma today to pick up another 20-piece apilco traditional dinnerware set. Plus, a few (ok, 4) serving bowls. Hey, it's a early birthday present (August 11th) , plus I had a $100 gift certificate. Besides, most people I know spend their "extra" money on clothes; I spend mine of kitchenware that will last me a lifetime. Plus, why should I wait until I'm married to have nice stuff. I need it now!!

In ay event, I'm prime for a dinner party since I now have 12 place settings. Too bad most people on my blogrolling list are not in Chicago. It would be nice to get us all together. Oh well! All in due time I suppose. Maybe I'll start by inviting my real world friends over sometime soon. It's been a long time since I've had a party of any size.

Via Outside The Beltway, I uncovered a survey at selectsmart.com that supposedly would enable me to know which presidential candidates views are more closely related to my own. Overall, not really surprised by the results, but it looks like I need to do some research. I don't know much about US Representative Dennis J. Kucinich who is top of the list.

1. Kucinich, Cong. Dennis, OH - Democrat (100%) 2. Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (94%) 3. Lieberman Senator Joe CT - Democrat (83%) 4. Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat (80%) 5. Gephardt, Cong. Dick, MO - Democrat (79%) 6. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (73%) 7. Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat (72%) 8. Graham, Senator Bob, FL - Democrat (67%) 9. Moseley-Braun, Former Senator Carol IL - Democrat (63%) 10. Libertarian Candidate (45%) 11. Bush, George W. - US President (16%) 12. Phillips, Howard - Constitution (4%) 13. LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat (-8%)

According to selectsmart.com: "the candidates' positions have been determined first by the candidate's actions, then their public votes, followed by their public statements, and whenever possible, special interest group rankings of the candidate have been factored in."

Earlier today, I saw two movies. One moved me to tears; the other helped me forget those tears for a few hours. The first movie I saw was Whale Rider. It’s a story about an 11 year old girl (Pai) who is destined to become the Chief of her small fishing community in New Zealand. However, her grandfather (Koro) is too stubborn to see this as he does not want to break with tradition. In their culture, only males can be (have been) Chiefs. When Koro’s own son looses his wife and son (Pai’s twin brother) at birth, he tells him to start over again. But his son ignores Koro’s wishes. Thus, through a series of events the grandfather eventually comes around and Pai takes her rightful place within the community. It’s a touching story that is so engrossing and emotionally charged that few left the theatre without tears in their eyes. I myself was sobbing throughout much of the film. It’s one of the best movies I’ve seen in a long long time. I highly recommend that everyone take the time to go see it. The second movie I saw was The Italian Job. Not much to say about this remake of the 1969 robbery heist film but that it was widely entertaining even though somewhat predictable. As such, go see Whale Rider. It's too good a movie to miss while in theatres. The same cannot be said for The Italian Job.

In my continued efforts to get organized, trying to catalog my personal belongings. Wondering, has anyone out there used a home inventory software? I started off with an excel spreadsheet but that isn't sophisticated enough. For example, would like to use program that allows me to load pictures of the various items and scanned copies of receipts. Any recommendations are greatly appreciated.

Old habits are hard to break.

The Withered Lover

What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Link via Return of the Ghost of Ferro Lad.

It's almost too shocking to believe, but Barry White died earlier today. I knew he had health problems, but I thought he was getting better. Plus, he was only 58 years young. Oh well. Death comes to us all eventually, but sometimes I think it's so true, only the good die young. May his soul rest in peace. I myself, will always remember his deep sexy voice, singing: Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe.

Happy July 4th to everyone here in these United States of America.

God Bless America
Written by Irving Berlin

God Bless America.
Land that I love
Stand beside her, and guide her
Thru the night with a light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans, white with foam
God bless America
My home sweet home.

God Bless America,
Land that I love
Stand beside her,
And guide her,
Through the night
With the light from above,
From the mountains,
To the prairies,
To the ocean,
White with foam,
God bless America,
My home sweet home.
God bless America,
My home sweet home.

"America's unofficial national anthem was composed by an immigrant who left his home in Siberia for America when he was only five years old. The original version of "God Bless America" was written by Irving Berlin (1888-1989) during the summer of 1918 at Camp Upton, located in Yaphank, Long Island, for his Ziegfeld-style revue, Yip, Yip, Yaphank."

I dreamt last night that someone I really like was trying to kill me. In the end, I assembled a team of people to deal with the situation. Wondering, does anyone have any ideas as to what this dream might mean? This dream is really freaking me out because I genuinely like this person and I'm pretty sure the person likes me too. So baffled as to why I would have a dream about them trying to kill me. Hmmm. Maybe I'm being too literal about this dream.

If you are going to write a nasty tell all book about the dead, you should be required to reveal your sources. The dead cannot speak for themselves. Thus those who are spreading half truth and boldface lies, should step forward in the open or shut the fuck up. Nuff said!

I have no reason to be singing this song, but it's been in my head for the last few days. Trying to think of what it means, but can't really put my finger on it. I'm not recently out of a romantic relationship. Not currently in one. Weird.

The Thrill Is Gone BB King

The thrill is gone
The thrill is gone away
The thrill is gone baby
The thrill is gone away
You know you done me wrong baby
And you'll be sorry someday

The thrill is gone
It's gone away from me
The thrill is gone baby
The thrill is gone away from me
Although I'll still live on
But so lonely I'll be

The thrill is gone
It's gone away for good
Oh, the thrill is gone baby
Baby its gone away for good
Someday I know I'll be over it all baby
Just like I know a man should

You know I'm free, free now baby
I'm free from your spell
I'm free, free now
I'm free from your spell
And now that it's over
All I can do is wish you well

Written by Rick Darnell & Roy Hawkins

After seeing a picture of Choo-Choo on my desk, one of my coworkers started talking about the fact that he is allergic to cats and almost broke up with his then girlfriend (now finance), because being in her apartment for any extended period of time, was just too much. He tried various allergy remedies and nothing worked. In the end, the cat went to live at her parent’s house. I then stated that it would be really really hard for me to give up Choo-Choo (even with all his faults), and almost everyone looked at me like I was mad. One said: but it's just an animal." I responded: "yes but he's like my child." So wondering, would anyone out there give up their pet for romance? I'd like to think I wouldn't but one never really knows until faced with said situation.

I'm in love, love, love with Bo Jackson. Well maybe it's more like I'm lusting after his body. Why am I thinking of him? Well, I met him earlier tonight at the White Sox game. I actually took my picture with him and he even whispered a few words to me. I almost melted away. Oh my!!!! Here is a picture of Bo and I. I'm getting hot flashes just thinking about the encounter. Ok, calming down. Here is another photo of me with 3 other Michigan Wolverines on the field before the game. All total, there were 140 of us from the alumni association. Oh yeah, I also met another baseball player (whose name I can't remember) and Kirk Hinrich who was recently drafted by the Chicago Bulls. He seems like a nice kid, but he's no Bo Jackson. Beyond meeting Bo, would have to say the highlight was singing the Michigan fight song and doing the wave with the other thirty thousand fans in stadium. All in all, a good time was had hanging out with Leigh and another friend.

Big Brother Africa looks way cooler than the USA version which starts up again July 8th. I know, but who cares right? Gosh, I've got to stop spending so much time watching television.