No, Maybe, Yes, Maybe, No

Remember the UpstartPolitican? Well, I met up earlier this week.

It was supposed to be for a quick hello as I was in the middle of attending a conference. However, I ended up spending the afternoon/evening with him shopping. Not for me though, for him.

It was all rather bizarre. Within minutes of meeting on Oxford Street, he was dragging me from one high-end department store to the next, looking at suits, shirts, shoes, etc. Apparently he needed to stock up, and he was using my presence to help guide his purchases.

Now I don’t enjoy shopping so have to admit that I was initially irritated but I as the hours passed, I warmed to the experience. I felt needed by a man of stature. I haven’t felt like that in years. And it felt genuine and so I started putting more thought into my responses.

Now several days after, I can’t get it out of my head. Truth be told, I woke up the next morning after seeing him feeling like it was a dream. Also, with the realisation that while my mouth was saying NO, other parts of me were saying YES to what he was indirectly suggesting.

This is all because I haven’t had proper male companionship. Heck, the last proper boyfriend was RacquetballGuy and really that was ages ago. It was the fall of 2011 when he stormed off without saying a proper goodbye. I haven’t spoken or seen him since. Perhaps because as alluded to before, his visit that was a prelude to him moving to London made me realise that there was just too much negative energy, and I didn’t trust him with my future.

Anyway, back to the situation at hand, I’m trying to come to grips with my feelings. I need to contain them. Or better yet, channel to someone who is a real prospect. Someone who isn’t going to bring heartache. The UpstartPolitican isn’t going to leave his wife. Plus there is another complication that just makes the situation difficult. So no point starting even if the temptation is great.

This leaves me feeling emotional, but I have to be real about the situation. My emotional needs are too great to seek from someone who is not free to completely surrender.

With that, I’ve starting to look around. And looking at dating sites. I’ve tried Match, Eharmony, but there are some other niche ones. Thinking I should give one of them a try. I’m definitely ready for a relationship. A proper one.

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