Longing For The Future

I still think of SalsaMan and I’m totally annoyed by that. Irritated because he was only in my life for a short period of time so really – what is this longing? I don’t really think it’s for him personally but more what he represented. That being, the future filled with laughter, a wider circle of friends and an extended family. He came on strong offering all of that and much more and then snatched it back. How cruel.

But annoyed as I am by the situation, I can’t bring myself to call him. Well actually, I can’t anymore because in addition to deleting his photos and messages, I also deleted his number. I didn’t want the temptation. So here I am still wondering, what really happened? Christ! I should have made an attempt to get some answers to bring about closure.

Then again, do I really need him to tell me what is now painfully obvious? Geez! Why do I do this to myself? I’m very good at holding it together in all other areas of my life but when it comes to boys I lose perspective. Perhaps I simply have too much time on my hands. I need to get busier.

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