As mentioned in passing during previous post, another reason for backing away from my friendship with Basherter is that RacquetBallGuy has reappeared.
Until about six weeks ago, our contact was sporadic. And in all honesty, I was trying to practice the no contact rule but I really wasn’t enforcing it.
Then one day early July, I found myself looking through YouTube for music (Basherter’s influence) and then suddenly tried to remember the song that RacquetBallGuy use to sing to me. Not for life or money could I remember. So I texted him. His almost instant reply was for me to call him.
That then led to an initial conversation followed by further ones where he told me that he was trying to transfer from Chicago to London with his current employer. Now there a multitude of reasons for the transfer but I knew instinctively that I was the primary reason.
I was conflicted by this news because we’d been here before. But this opportunity seems more promising as there is a trip scheduled for October and if all goes well, the transfer will then be in motion.
Knowing this, I knew I was at a cross-road. I could continue on with the dating site (not much success there – too many weirdos) and maintain platonic friendship with Basherter which was emotionally engrossing or release myself from these situations so as to give RacquetBallGuy a fair shot on this next go around.
Of course, his transfer wasn’t a done deal and as I was conflicted not surprisingly by our complex history, I just maintained the status quo. But the more I talked to RacquetBallGuy, the more I thought it could work.
He was much more forthcoming about what was happening in his life plus he answered many questions that were previously unanswered and I really got the impression that he had learnt the lessons since we separated. Plus, he was verbally articulating his willingness to give me what he knew I wanted: marriage, family, etc. So all very attractive and appealing.
He was prepared to put up with my stubbornness.
But oh what to do, what to do? There was Basherter — unavailable in all sense of the word but who I was coming to the acknowledge I’d become emotionally attached to.
Now I had told RacquetBallGuy about Basherter, but I really hadn’t gone into much detail. And so he was perhaps a bit blindsided when I filled him in last evening on the true context of our friendship.
For the record, he had asked me about Basherter as I’d made mention of him in previous blog posts, but apparently I’d been somewhat dismissive. Anyway, he listened and for the most part was considerate.
At no point did I consider not telling him. I knew I’d end up writing about it here and I firmly believe that if our relationship is to work, we need to be honest with one another. Thus, I had to reveal all.
Much to my annoyance, he was quite sympathetic to Basherter and gave him the benefit of the doubt. He wasn’t defending him but gave me a male’s point of view.
RacquetBallGuy’s main point was that anytime a woman can contribute to something that a man is fanatical about, it’s powerful. Furthermore, when you can dial into a man’s passion, they say things that are affectionate. Finally, I had to acknowledge that some of the things were said while clearly being in the friend zone — well at least from Basherter’s standpoint.
But he did agree that based on his own experience, he most likely wouldn’t have said some of the things Basherter said to me knowing that I liked him. Also, he too thought the mention of a fiancé on Basherter’s Facebook page was a bit strange since there was no previous mention of a girlfriend.
This is where it almost ended. Somewhat laboured and uncomfortable on my part with a tiny bit of jealously on RacquetBallGuy’s part that actually got him to join Facebook for a hot minute.
Overall, he understood and was sympathetic. I’d been trying to have a life so allowances needed to be made. Heck, he gave me what he called a hall pass for my birthday!
Anyway, right at this point when we were wrapping it up, RacquetBallGuy made some comment about my exboyfriends – mainly AirportGuy which totally incensed me. In that the relationship was a painful one, I resented him throwing stuff I’d said about it back in my face. Even if just in a joking manner.
This resulted in a somewhat tense discussion and we parted ways but not on the best of note. He accused me of being uptight and unable to laugh at myself. Now he did end up calling back to apologise but uncharacteristically since we reconnected, I haven’t spoken to him or received a text today.
That’s fine with me because really, I just need a bit of time to myself. There is way too much boy drama in my life. And as much as I like RacquetBallGuy and do want to try again, I don’t want to rush anything. I want to be sure this is right for me, for us.
Plus we’ve been away from each other for a long while so the expectation that we’re just going to pick right back up where we left off without any difficulty, was perhaps wishful thinking.
We definitely need to get to know one another again and that needs time. So don’t want to rush anything.
More importantly, I don’t want to feel like I’m settling and I definitely don’t want him to feel that way either.
So going to slow this down. Like he said to me last night: “whereas I was coming at you at 55miles an hour, I’m now coming at you at 45miles an hour.” That’s actually fine by me.
I need time to process everything that has happened to me this past year — heck this last week — so that I can learn the lessons that God so clearly wants me to learn.