Moving On…

Goodness! Where does the time go? It’s been nearly four months since my last post. So what’s happened since November? Well, I went to Montserrat in December for a much deserved holiday. While there I spent a lot of time with my great aunt Dorothy. She is an absolute inspiration and when I grow up, I want to be more like her. She has a warm heart and is so kind and loving to everyone. She has been this way all her life and the seeds sowed over the years are coming back to her tenfold. She didn’t do any of it with a thought as to what she would get in return, but it was good to see nonetheless that everyone was being so kind to her in her later years. Did I mention she was 91? Fingers crossed she will live long enough to see me give birth to children! I so want my kids to meet her.
Anyway, I should mention that my older sister was also in Montserrat. It was on her encouragement that I decided to visit the island before the upcoming family reunion in June. We hadn’t seen each other in a few years and so it was good to reconnect. My only disappointment is that she really didn’t want to hang out much. So I kind of did a lot of things on my own.
I did see MrFixItGuy but it was only in passing. There was a moment there were I wanted to be close to him but really it was the hot sun beating down on me! I also saw AirportGuy. Heck, we hung out twice. But in that I wouldn’t let him have his way with me, he said some not so nice things. It all just confirmed that I’d make the right decision to end things. He says I broke his heart but I seriously doubt that. After all, his failure to tell me he was still married made me loose all faith in him once revealed.
So did I get tangled up with a new love interest? NO! Well, not while on the island. Meaning, I had friendly chatter with someone (now to be known as Basherter) in passing but didn’t really think twice about it. That all changed when he sent me an email via Facebook. Something in me sort of reawakened and the flirting commenced. This went on for some time before he told me that he thought we should cool it. We live in different countries and he didn’t want to start that which he couldn’t finish.
I was completely gutted. Our initial conversations totally restored my faith in men. I cried after our first proper chat as it made me realise how poor my decision had been to go out with MrFixItGuy. Sure he is great as a friend, but he never was and never would be an appropriate boyfriend, lover, and husband. Interestingly, after I got back from holiday, MrFixItGuy called and wanted to start up again. But I stood my ground and rebuffed his persistent advances. Funny how 6 months prior I’d wanted him to give me a second chance because I felt guilty about what I’d said to him – how here he was begging me to restart and I’d had enough. I just couldn’t trust him and really it was all going to be a compromise to far.
Anyway, Basherter and I continue to talk. Initially, I just wanted him to go away because I felt like he was rejecting me. But now I’m actually grateful that he said we should cool things. The sad reality is that neither of us have a positive experiences with long distance relationships and so to make it work, one of us was going to move. Since I don’t have children and he does – it would eventually mean me. But for a number of reasons, that is simply not possible. Well not right now anyway.
So we continue to talk and our friendship strengthens. There is a connection like I’ve never felt before and so part of me wonders if we can truly keep things platonic, but destiny will reveal soon enough.
In the meantime, I’m just focusing on work and trying to get my social life in order.

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