Confession

I have started and abandoned about 10 different posts in the last week or so. One related to Europe’s Muslim problem (total clash of cultures), the London Mayor being suspended for a month (so much for Democracy), growing pay gap between men and women (surprise, surprise!), etc. I could go on, but I hate to be a tease.
I have been distracted by living life which lately has revolving around going to work, exercising at the gym (I joined the very posh Esporta Health & Fitness Club), watching way too many home design shows and reading (I’ve finished 5 books since January). I’m also getting more involved with the Junior League of London and the Michigan Alumni Club.
But in the back of my mind, I can’t stop thinking about Racquetball Guy. So writing about anything else has felt somewhat disingenuous. So last night I picked up the phone to clear the air between us. I ended up leaving a rambling message about how pissed off and disappointed I was in his inability to follow through on promises made. I also asked him to call me. I doubt he will. As such, I plan to write a follow up email summing up my feeling and letting him know that I uncovered some less than flattering information about his character last November. I never really told him I knew, but I think the time has come.
I am hoping that by telling him, I’ll be able to let go of the negative energy that develops when I think of him. I’m tired of getting angry every time I think about his lack of honesty. Tired of feeling ashamed when I’ve done nothing wrong. Thankfully I got out when I did as the situation could have been more disastrous.
Recognizing that my telling him, might mean he never delivers on his outstanding promise, I’m still a woman on a mission. He needs to know that I’m more in tune with his true character. So why the rush to purge myself all of a sudden? Well, IT Guy is back in the picture. I am not sure if anything will come of this relationship (we haven’t even gone out again — yet), but if not IT Guy, I need to get my head ready.
With that said, despite the fact that I’ve grown quite a bit through the whole experience, I almost wish I could wipe the experience from my memory. The whole process has been rather painful and if I’m honest almost a greek tragedy from day one. I mean, did I mention that in the year and some we dated, 5 people around him died? Well that’s what he said.

2 Comments
  1. From a male reader on 3/1/06:
    I tried to post this on your blog today but it said my comment was of “questionable content???? Anyway, my thoughts then, unedited were:
    I cannot believe a woman of your obvious intelligence and character is still Achillies heeled by this total loser. What physical property or monies is worth not living your life today and tomorrow for what this loser did in his life in the past? Remember in “A Bronx Tale” when Sonny tells “C” to forget about the 20 some loser owes him but to think of it as 20 he spent to never have to deal with the loser again… A 20 dollar lesson learned and a 20 well spent! If “IT” guy came back then maybe it’s meant to be? Or at least worth a fair chance? I’d say that than all this wasted energy on a total loser half a world away you’re better off without yea? And whatever happened to “let go and let God…”. I apologise if I sound harsh but someone needed to vent that for you. Now please, go throw away everything that loser ever gave you and/or reminds you of him and start living your life already. Lots of Love to you.

  2. I think what has bothered me the most about the whole situation is the total lack of honesty. This is the most important quality I seek in a partner. Thus, to think that he continue to offer up shades of the truth to me when he knew I wanted and needed honesty, is rather upsetting. Having said that, I do agree that it’s totally ridiculous to be letting this hold me back. Thus the reason for me telling him what I know once and for all and moving on regardless of whether or not he returns that which was loaned.

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